


Almost Lovers Always Do

by yamsfreckles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Break Up, Changing POV, Dirty Talk, Enemies to Friends, Face-Fucking, Flashbacks, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Open Relationships, Open/Poly Relationship Negotiations, Oral Sex, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Spitroasting, Threesome - M/M/M, Way More Plot Than Porn, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:32:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6577792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamsfreckles/pseuds/yamsfreckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When he was with Oikawa it was easy to forget the words were there. The words that were the awful proof that he would one day belong to someone else, even if he didn’t want to. Soulmates were all-consuming; perfect matches. You couldn’t just walk away from them."</p><p>-Or-</p><p>OiYama/TsukkiYama soulmate au where the first words your soulmate says to your are tattooed onto your wrist</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your Fingertips Across My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy, a sad yet excellent song that I highly recommend listening to.
> 
> Also I am very sorry about the smut scenes in this fic. I know they are not as good as they could be and are rushed, but I have only ever written smut once before so it is still very new to me and leaves much to be desired. Good thing there are only like three :P

From: Tooru <3  
Tada-chan! I got out of class early. Where are you :0

The text caught Yamaguchi by surprise and he groaned when he read it. So much for trying to surprise him. 

To: Tooru <3  
I’m at the store. Will be home in 20 minutes

He sighed and pocketed his phone, turning back to the cashier who was ringing up his purchases. A box of chocolates – heart shaped because Oikawa liked tacky things, candles, a bottle of wine, and a box of condoms. He had really only thrown the condoms in his cart because they had used the last of theirs the other night, not because he had any specific plans tonight – though knowing Oikawa they would more than likely get some use.

The cashier snickered behind her hand which Yamaguchi didn’t think was very professional. Commenting on a customer’s purchase seemed rather rude. “Looks like someone has fun plans tonight,” she said, smiling as she bagged everything.

Yamaguchi nodded stiffly. “I wanted to surprise my boyfriend,” he said pulling his debit card out of his wallet. “It’s our five year anniversary.”

A confused expression crossed the girl’s face a moment before her customer service smile returned and Yamaguchi knew why. In this day and age terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” were rarely used. They were kind of archaic now honestly. Most people preferred the gender neutral term “soulmate”. It was also very strange for soulmates to have been together for so long without getting married.

Yamaguchi was used to the confusion. That was much better than the discrimination when people realized the truth. 

“What were the words?” the girl asked suddenly as he slid his card in the machine. Yamaguchi shifted uncomfortably, pulling the sleeve of his shirt down as if subconsciously making sure it covered the words on his wrist. This was a common question. He didn’t know exactly when the first words had started being so romanticized, especially since most of the time they were common, every day words. Words that you said to a stranger. 

Yamaguchi never liked answering this question. His honest nature kept him from lying and while changing words like “soulmate” to “boyfriend” kept him honest about the nature of his and Oikawa’s relationship, direct questions like this were a lot harder to navigate. So he often didn’t bother.

“My boyfriend and I aren’t soulmates,” he said softly, grabbing his bags and heading for the door. He never liked to stick around to see the judgment in peoples’ eyes when they found out the truth. And the judgment was always there. It didn’t matter how nice or understanding a person seemed; some things were just considered universally perverse. And being in a long term relationship with someone who wasn’t your soulmate was one of them.

Yamaguchi worried his lip as he drove home. It didn’t upset him as much as it used to. Back when he and Oikawa were just starting their relationship he would cry whenever someone gave him that judgmental look, but as the years went by he fell into an uneasy acceptance. He hated it, but this was the way things were and there was no use crying over it.

He reached the apartment as if he was on auto pilot. He fumbled with his key for a moment trying to balance the bags in his arms and was finally able to get it in the lock. He stepped into the small two bedroom apartment he shared with Oikawa. He glanced around quickly, but his aforementioned boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. He set the bags on the couch and peeked into the study.

The study was technically a bedroom, but they hadn’t needed two bedrooms when they moved in and so they had transformed the second room into an area where Oikawa could work on his schoolwork. Ideally they would have gotten a one bedroom apartment to save money, but no landlord would be willing to rent an apartment to a couple who weren’t soulmates. The second bedroom had become a necessity so that they could pose as roommates instead of lovers.

Sure enough Oikawa was hunched over his desk, studying. His back was to the door and he had a pair of earbuds in. He must not have heard Yamaguchi come in. The latter smiled and closed the door quietly. If he hurried he could still save the surprise. 

He retrieved the bags from the couch and hurried into their bedroom. He set the candles up around the room as meticulously as he could and put the box of chocolates on Oikawa’s pillow. He connected his phone to the Bluetooth speaker across the room and opened Pandora, scrolling through his saved stations until he found the “Romance” one. He turned the volume down low so it was just background noise before scampering off to the kitchen to retrieve two wine glasses. He returned quietly and placed the glasses on the bedside table along with the bottle of wine before finally lighting the candles. As an afterthought he threw the condoms in the drawer of the bedside table where they could be easily reached if need be.

He took a look around the room and nodded satisfactorily. Oikawa, the big romantic sap that he was, would approve. 

He returned to the study, sneaking up behind Oikawa and wrapping his arms around the older boy, chin resting on his head. Oikawa flinched slightly but immediately relaxed, pulling the earbuds out of his ears. 

“I was wondering what was taking you so long, Tada-chan,” he said happily, tilting his head back so he could press his lips against Yamaguchi’s, not hampered at all by the upside down angle. 

Yamaguchi pulled back after a couple of seconds. “I have something for you,” he said, trying to sound innocent. 

Oikawa grinned and stood up, stretching his arms above his head before resting his hand on Yamaguchi’s hip and pulling him closer. “Oh yeah?” he said, voice velvety smooth as his other hand slipped under the younger boy’s shirt and sat warmly on his lower back. 

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes. “Not that,” he said shaking his head at his boyfriend’s antics. He pulled away from the embrace and grabbed Oikawa’s hand, dragging him out of the study and towards their room. “Maybe later,” he continued, smiling. “If you behave.”

He pulled Oikawa into their room and shut the door quickly behind them. He watched Oikawa’s face as he took everything in, the soft light from the candles making the older boy’s face glow. Or maybe that was the soft smile that had suddenly appeared on his face. 

Oikawa turned towards Yamaguchi and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. “How sweet, Tada-chan!” he said, burying his face in Yamaguchi’s neck. 

Yamaguchi laughed and slid his hand through his boyfriend’s beautiful chestnut hair. “Happy anniversary, Tooru.”

*****  
An hour (and two and a half glasses of wine) later they were half naked and sharing sloppy kisses on the bed. Somewhere after the first glass of wine Oikawa had abandoned technic and the kisses were a lot wetter than Yamaguchi was used to. Not that he minded. With the buzz he had going Oikawa could have actively spit in Yamaguchi’s mouth and he would probably thank him. Oikawa for his part seemed perfectly content with his apparent plans to devour Yamaguchi.

Oikawa’s hands wandered up the expanse of Yamaguchi’s bare chest, thumb ghosting over a nipple and Yamaguchi groaned into Oikawa’s mouth, who swallowed the sound eagerly before returning the favor with a groan of his own. 

Yamaguchi pulled away from the kiss, a string of saliva still connecting their lips. There was no mistaking the dark lust in Oikawa’s eyes, even in such dim lighting. 

He reached for the bedside table and swiftly pulled out the condoms along with the bottle of lube that they kept in there as well. Just because he hadn’t been planning on this doesn’t mean he didn’t welcome it. 

He set the condoms and the lube on the bed and lay back, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them and his boxers down his thighs quickly. He kicked the fabric off his legs and sat back up. He was only half hard but he knew Oikawa would fix that soon enough.

Oikawa had also taken that time to remove the last of his clothes as well and he pushed Yamaguchi back against the bed, peppering his face with kisses, one hand carding through the smaller boy’s soft hair while the other snaked between them to grasp his cock. 

Yamaguchi gasped and bucked his hips subconsciously. Oikawa pumped his hand a few times, easily bringing Yamaguchi’s length to full hardness. 

Yamaguchi groaned and started thrusting his hips in time with Oikawa’s hand, essentially fucking into it. A small part of him wanted to continue like this until he came. It felt so nice. And that small part of him might have won out if he didn’t know how great it felt to be filled and stretched by Oikawa. 

“Tooru,” he gasped out. “Stop. I’m g-gonna come.”

Oikawa’s hand immediately stilled, grasping the base of Yamaguchi’s cock and the latter’s hips found their way back to the bed. Yamaguchi lay there breathing heavily for a moment. He had been closer than he realized and Oikawa had stopped just in time.

After he felt his impending orgasm recede, he pushed Oikawa off of him and sat up slowly, shifting so that he was resting on his knees. He grabbed the bottle of lube and poured a generous amount on his fingers. Usually Oikawa opened him up, but every once in a while he felt like putting on a show.

He made eye contact with Oikawa and reached behind himself, tracing one finger over his entrance before slowly pushing it in. The slide was easy and painless but he still pumped it in and out a few times before adding a second finger. The stretch was harder, though still relatively painless. He scissored his fingers a couple of times before adding a third and that’s when he finally groaned. 

It hurt slightly, but the stretch was amazing. He rocked his hips up and down as he pumped his fingers and Oikawa joined him in his groaning. The sight of his boyfriend fucking himself on his fingers was extremely hot after all.

Oikawa leaned forward and connected his lips with Yamaguchi’s, eagerly sliding his tongue inside the wet heat of his mouth. Yamaguchi sucked at his boyfriend’s tongue softly before pulling back. “I’m ready,” he said, scissoring his fingers one last time before removing them. 

Oikawa nodded quickly before pulling a condom out of the box and tearing it open. He slid it down over his erection quickly and grabbed the lube from where Yamaguchi had discarded it on the bed, quickly sliding his hand up and down his length, slicking himself up. 

Yamaguchi sat up a little taller on his knees and Oikawa positioned himself underneath him, pressing the tip of his cock against the puckered hole, hands resting on the smaller boy’s hips. Yamaguchi moaned as he sank down over Oikawa’s cock. It hurt of course, but the full feeling was so wonderful the pain was easy to ignore. Once he was fully seated on the warm flesh he paused to get accustomed to the feeling. He met Oikawa’s eyes and couldn’t help but smile at the wonder and love he saw there, swirling beneath the dark lust. 

He slowly sat up, the cock inside him dragging at his walls wonderfully. His movements were slow and careful at first, drawing it out as long as he could. He never lasted long once they started going fast. 

“Tadashi,” Oikawa groaned, hips quivering slightly as if he was trying to hold himself back from fucking up into his boyfriend. His hands tightened with the effort of holding still and Yamaguchi was sure he would have bruises there later. 

That’s when Yamaguchi gave up on slow and drawn out and really started to ride him. Oikawa groaned and threw his head back against the bed, using his hands to help Yamaguchi pick up the speed. 

“Tooru,” Yamaguchi gasped out, eyes screwed shut. “Fuck me.”

That was all the invitation Oikawa needed before he was thrusting up, meeting Yamaguchi’s hips thrust for thrust. The angle changed slightly and Yamaguchi moaned as Oikawa’s cock brushed sensitive nerves inside him.

The sound of flesh hitting flesh and Yamaguchi’s soft moans filled the room, both boys drawing closer and closer to their climaxes. 

Yamaguchi came first, mouth open in a silent scream as his orgasm overtook him, cock untouched. Oikawa fucked him through it as he rode out on sheer pleasure, cum coating his chest and stomach. 

When he came down from the high Oikawa was still fucking him quickly, hands holding the younger boy in place. He was bordering on overstimulation, but never got there as Oikawa was coming too, whimpering Yamaguchi’s name, hips stuttering and losing their brutal pace as he rode out his orgasm, finally stilling.

Yamaguchi leaned forward till he was lying on Oikawa’s chest, the latter’s cock slipping out of him easily.

“Best anniversary ever,” Oikawa murmured softly. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but laugh at that.

They lay there for a while, Oikawa stroking a hand through Yamaguchi’s hair and Yamaguchi breathing in the wonderful post-coital scent on Oikawa’s skin that he had come to love. Neither seemed willing to move but Yamaguchi finally sat up and stretched his limbs out. He was pretty sore, but he knew it would only get worse the longer he waited. He slowly crawled out of bed and started blowing out candles. It would be a real shame if their apartment burned down. 

Oikawa sat up, finally pulling the condom off himself and tying it off before throwing it across the room towards the garbage can. He missed and Yamaguchi sighed before crossing over and throwing it away properly.

“I’m going to shower,” he said, turning towards Oikawa who had lain back down on the bed. “Are you coming?”

Oikawa waved his hand towards Yamaguchi. “You go ahead. I’ll join you in a bit once the room stops spinning.”

Yamaguchi snickered behind his hand. Oikawa had always had a lower alcohol tolerance than him and their…activities probably didn’t help much.

He made his way to the bathroom and turned the shower on. While he waited for the water to heat up he looked in the mirror over the sink. His lips were red and puffy from all the kissing they had done and he brushed his fingers across them, trying to keep Oikawa’s taste there. He knew it would fade though. It always did.

The words on his wrist caught his eye in the mirror and he flinched slightly. “It’s you,” they read.

When he was with Oikawa it was easy to forget the words were there. The words that were the awful proof that he would one day belong to someone else, even if he didn’t want to. Soulmates were all-consuming; perfect matches. You couldn’t just walk away from them. 

He shivered slightly, but he wasn’t cold. He got in the shower and quickly washed himself, scrubbing extra hard at those damning words hoping this would be the time he would finally wash them away for good. They seemed to shine even brighter when he was finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	2. Never Forget These Images

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback chapter to when Yams and Oikawa first started going out \\(^^)/  
> Again I apologize about the awkward af smut scene I really am no good at these things so please bare with me

Yamaguchi had been in his third year of high school when Oikawa had made his move.

“Yama-chan!” Oikawa called happily when he saw the boy enter the small coffee shop where they had planned to meet up. Yamaguchi smiled and sat in the booth opposite Oikawa. Their friendship had been a mystery to him when it first started. The older boy had insisted on taking the young pinch server under his wing and Yamaguchi had flourished under his instruction, enough so that he was chosen as captain of his team. The two often met up when Oikawa had breaks from school, their friendship and camaraderie surviving the distance easily. 

Oikawa leaned forward across the booth and ruffled Yamaguchi’s hair affectionately. Yamaguchi pretended to get angry but really, his hair was already such a mess there was no way Oikawa could make it worse. “How’s the little captain doing?”

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes and bumped Oikawa’s leg with his own, falling into the easy banter he was so used to. 

“The team is doing pretty well,” he said, reaching for the coffee he knew Oikawa had ordered for him. “We’re having a slight problem with our middle blockers. None are really experienced besides Hinata, but it’s hard for him to demonstrate blocks when he’s so short. But our offense and receiving are doing well, so it kind of balances out,” he finished, taking a sip of the extremely sweet coffee. Just how he liked it.

He sighed contentedly and Oikawa laughed. “Yama-chan never changes. Three spoons of creamer, four spoons of sugar. Honestly it’s not even coffee at this point,” he said, eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughed.

Yamaguchi was used to Oikawa’s teasing at this point and he waved his hand dismissively. “We don’t all hate our taste buds,” he said looking pointedly at Oikawa’s own coffee which he knew had exactly one spoon of sugar in it and nothing else.

Oikawa shrugged as if he didn’t have any argument.

“How is school going?” Yamaguchi asked, taking another sip of his heavenly drink.

“Ah I’ll have my generals finished this semester, but then I have to start on my major. Astrophysics is really hard Yama-chan,” Oikawa lamented. “It will take me at least three years to finish my degree and then it’s another three years at technical school.” He pouted slightly though Yamaguchi knew there wasn’t any real emotion behind it. For all he complained Oikawa loved school and was working really hard so he could work at NASA one day. 

“Poor baby,” he teased lightly. 

Oikawa smiled again, though it didn’t seem as bright. He pointed at Yamaguchi’s right wrist casually. “Anything on the good old soulmate front?” he asked.

Yamaguchi looked down at his wrist and rubbed it lightly, tracing over the two words that had been there for as long as he could remember: “It’s you.”

“Not yet,” he said, shrugging. “I’m not looking to rush it though. It’ll happen one day I guess. What about you?” he asked gesturing to Oikawa’s own wrist which he always kept covered in a wristband. 

Oikawa had once told Yamaguchi that his first words were embarrassing so he preferred to keep them covered and, while this piqued Yamaguchi’s interest, he respected Oikawa’s privacy. They must have been some really embarrassing words if even Oikawa wasn’t confident enough to display them. It made Yamaguchi wonder under what kind of circumstance Oikawa would meet his soulmate. 

“Nope,” Oikawa said, popping his mouth over the “p” sound, trying to sound casual, but Yamaguchi knew him well enough to see a hint of nervousness in his eyes.

“Is everything alright, Oikawa-san?” he asked slowly, as if afraid of overstepping the bounds of even their close friendship.

Oikawa looked away for a moment as if gathering his thoughts. “Yama-chan,” he said softly, anxiously.

Yamaguchi leaned forward. Whatever Oikawa was going to say, he felt like it was going to be big.

Oikawa huffed and then met Yamaguchi’s eyes. The former’s eyes still held a hint of nervousness but there was also firm resolve now. “Yama-chan,” he said again. “Will you have sex with me?”

If Yamaguchi had been drinking his coffee he would have certainly spit it out at Oikawa’s words. As it was he still choked slightly on the air and he could feel his eyes widen. Have sex? With Oikawa? Surely he hadn’t heard right.

“Umm…” he said brilliantly.

Oikawa sighed and drummed his fingers on the table by way of distraction. “I’m sorry for being so forward,” he said, looking away again. “It’s just…,” he paused as if gathering his thoughts. “Neither of us has met our soulmate yet and…well…you’re really hot,” he said as if that explained everything.

Yamaguchi sat there for a moment in stunned silence. Oikawa thought he was…hot? He could feel his face heating up and he knew that he was blushing. “O-Oikawa-san,” he began but he was interrupted almost immediately.

“It’s not like it would be weird or anything,” Oikawa spoke quickly. “People do it all the time. Casual sex. Some people don’t meet their soulmates till later in life and all that pent up sexual frustration has to have somewhere to go, right?” He was rambling now but that was fine with Yamaguchi. He still didn’t know what to say. “I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Obviously. But I just thought maybe you had some of those same frustrations. We could help each other out y’know. It would be mutually beneficial,” he finally finished, trailing off into silence. 

Yamaguchi knew his mouth was open in surprise but he couldn’t help it. His brain was short-circuiting. The person he considered to be his best friend had just…propositioned him. A million thoughts raced through his mind and he was surprised to find that none of them were about declining. 

He closed his mouth before opening it again slowly. “I…I guess we could,” he said, almost without realizing what he was saying. 

Oikawa’s raised his brows in surprise. “Really?” he asked, astonished. “You really don’t have to, Yama-chan.”

Yamaguchi looked down at the table for a moment fiddling with his fingers while trying to gather his thoughts. “It makes sense,” he said finally. “Everything you said is true. I have those frustrations too and…you’re also…hot,” he said, face burning.

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither really knowing what to do next. 

Oikawa finally spoke, breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence. “Do you want to…go somewhere?” he asked. He hadn’t really thought this through, never expecting Yamaguchi to say yes. “We could go to my apartment…” he trailed off knowing that was no good as soon as he said it. Oikawa lived about an hour away by train.

“My parents aren’t home,” Yamaguchi said quietly, almost shyly. “We could…go there.”

Oikawa nodded hurriedly and they left the coffee shop, walking the few blocks to Yamaguchi’s house, neither really knowing what to say to the other. A panicked thought flew through Yamaguchi’s mind. What if this changed their relationship? What if this made things weird between them and they stopped being friends?

They reached Yamaguchi’s house and they uncertainly climbed the stairs to Yamaguchi’s bedroom. 

Yamaguchi sat down on his bed and gathered his thoughts. It wasn’t too late to back out. Surely Oikawa would understand. Was physical pleasure really worth risking their friendship? He was just about to tell Oikawa he had changed his mind when he felt a body sit down next to him warm lips press against his own. He kissed back, too surprised to do much else and he was surprised at how nice the sensation was. Oikawa’s hand fisted in his hair and he swiped his tongue against Yamaguchi’s lower lip, a clear request. 

This was the moment of truth, Yamaguchi realized. If he was going to back out it had to be now. He felt a warm hand on his hip, pulling him closer against a warm, warm body and suddenly Yamaguchi didn’t want to back out. 

He opened his mouth allowing Oikawa’s tongue access and they kissed each other hungrily, tongues sliding against tongues and teeth and it was wonderful. Oikawa bit at Yamaguchi’s bottom lip and he couldn’t help the small yelp that left his throat.

Oikawa grinned against his lips, all signs of nervousness gone as he pulled away and tugged at the edge of Yamaguchi’s shirt, a silent order. Yamaguchi pulled the shirt over his head and, feeling self-conscious about being the only one without a shirt, pulled at Oikawa’s. “You too,” he said breathily. 

Oikawa obeyed instantly and they were suddenly kissing again, hands wandering over bare chests, exploring the newly available expanse of skin, tongues slick against each other.

Finally breaking the kiss, Oikawa turned Yamaguchi’s head so he could mouth at his ear, teasing the lobe with his teeth before whispering huskily. “Can I take your pants off, Yama-chan?”

Yamaguchi nodded shakily. He felt too good to be embarrassed.

Oikawa stood up, pushing Yamaguchi down onto his back before unbuttoning the younger boy’s jeans and pulling them slowly down his thighs, eyes catching at the obvious bulge in the boy’s underwear. He pulled his own pants down as well before he ran his hand up the inside of Yamaguchi’s thigh, enjoying the small moan that escaped the boy’s lips before he palmed at his cock through his underwear. 

Yamaguchi’s hips bucked and a strangled groan escaped his lips. Nobody besides himself had ever touched him like that before and it felt a lot different – a lot better – when it was someone else. 

“Can I suck you off, Yama-chan?” Oikawa asked, hand still palming at Yamaguchi’s dick.

Yamaguchi nodded quickly. “Please,” he said.

Oikawa smiled and removed his hand, helping Yamaguchi sit up. He hooked his fingers under the hem of Yamaguchi’s underwear and pulled them down, freeing Yamaguchi’s erection which was already embarrassingly leaking pre-cum. 

Oikawa licked his lips before kneeling down beside the bed, hands splayed on Yamaguchi’s thighs. 

He removed one hand from Yamaguchi’s thigh before bringing it to his mouth and spitting into it. He brought it down and wrapped it around the base of Yamaguchi’s cock and pumped lightly and the latter dug his teeth into his lip to keep from crying out. 

Oikawa grinned before leaning down and kissing the head, then licking it, getting accustomed to the taste. Finally Oikawa steadied his hand at the base of Yamaguchi’s cock and took it into his mouth.

Yamaguchi couldn’t keep silent then. A loud moan ripped its way from his mouth and he closed his eyes, lost in the sensation. The wet heat of Oikawa’s mouth was amazing and intoxicating. Far better than his own hand could ever be. His hips bucked once accidentally and Yamaguchi felt Oikawa gag. Holy shit. He stuttered out an apology, embarrassed both at the fact that he hadn’t been able to control himself and at that fact that Oikawa gagging on his cock was really fucking hot. 

Oikawa pulled back a little and hummed in acknowledgment, before continuing where he left off. Yamaguchi’s fingers found their way to Oikawa’s head, burying themselves in his soft hair and pulling slightly. Oikawa moaned around his cock and Yamaguchi’s hips stuttered again at the feeling. Oikawa was prepared for it this time and pulled back before he gagged.

Yamaguchi could feel warmth building in his stomach and he knew he was close. He pulled harder at Oikawa’s hair, hips shaking. Oikawa swirled his tongue around the head and looked up at Yamaguchi from under his eyelashes and it was over. He was barely able to get out an “Oikawa-san” as warning before he was coming down Oikawa’s throat. Oikawa’s mouth remained on him, sucking and swallowing as his orgasm racked through him before he finally collapsed on the bed. 

He lay there for a moment catching his breath before he heard Oikawa move to stand up. “God that tastes disgusting,” he heard Oikawa whine in that over-dramatic voice of his, and suddenly Yamaguchi was laughing. 

“That was…amazing,” he said, sitting back up. “You want me to suck yours now?” he asked, surprising himself at how bold he was all of a sudden.

Oikawa looked surprised as well. “Ah, well, that would be great but…I kind of already finished,” he said looking down slightly. Yamaguchi followed his gaze to Oikawa’s underwear. They were wet. His eyes widened as he realized Oikawa had rubbed himself off while he was blowing him. How had he not noticed that?

Yamaguchi was surprised to feel disappointed and it must have shown on his face because Oikawa laughed. “Don’t worry, Yama-chan,” he said lightly. “We can do this again sometime if you want.” He paused and added almost as an afterthought, “Until we meet our soulmates.”

*****  
And they did do it again – many times. It became like a tradition. When Oikawa visited they would go out for coffee or dinner and catch up before going back to Yamaguchi’s house. Yamaguchi was surprised to find that this new development in no way hindered their friendship. They were still just as close as they always had been. Except now they both had a way to release their sexual frustrations. 

They shared many heated kisses and intimate moments over the next few months, always ending with a whispered “Just until we meet our soulmates.”

It was a promise they shared and Yamaguchi caught himself many times wondering how their friendship could ever go back to normal when they did actually meet their soulmates. Oikawa knew him so intimately, in a way that nobody else did. Yamaguchi found it hard to believe there would one day be someone in his life who knew him in that same way – better even. That thought hurt and he didn’t know why. He also knew that one day Oikawa would find someone else like that as well. That thought hurt a lot more and he put it out of his mind. 

It wasn’t till after Yamaguchi started college that things changed. 

*****

Yamaguchi shifted slightly along with the other students standing around him as they all read the note taped to the door of their class. 

Class Canceled 

None of the students were about to look a gift horse in the mouth and they quickly dispersed, going about to do whatever it is college kids did in their spare time between classes.

For Yamaguchi though it was his last class of the day and staying on campus seemed foolish. He didn’t want to go home to his apartment though. Kuroo, his roommate, was out of town and the place seemed too empty and too quiet without the other boy around. 

He decided to go to Oikawa’s. He was pretty sure the older boy’s classes were done for the day as well and it would be nice to see him, since they only got to spend time together on the weekends. He hiked his backpack up onto his shoulder and made his way to Oikawa’s apartment. 

He reached his destination and knocked loudly, hoping Oikawa wasn’t sleeping. It was silent for a moment before the door opened slowly and Yamaguchi was so happy to see Oikawa that it took him a moment to realize he was crying.

“Oikawa-san, what’s wrong?” he asked worriedly. 

Oikawa wiped at his eyes furiously, opening the door wider, letting Yamaguchi inside. Once the door was closed Yamaguchi immediately hugged Oikawa. It was just instinct. His best friend was hurting after all and he wanted so desperately to make it better. 

Oikawa hugged him back for a moment before pushing him away, a little harder than necessary. “You shouldn’t be here, Yamaguchi,” he said, voice breaking slightly.

Yamaguchi couldn’t remember the last time Oikawa had called him by his name and not “Yama-chan”. Something must have been really wrong.

“Oikawa-san,” he said softly. “You can talk to me about anything.”

“Not this,” Oikawa whispered before he broke down sobbing. 

Tears pricked at the back of Yamaguchi’s eyes. He had always been sensitive to the emotions of others. Seeing Oikawa so broken hurt him so much. Who had done this? Who had made Oikawa feel this way? Yamaguchi felt angry all of a sudden. Whoever did this was going to pay. 

He reached for Oikawa again, intending to pull him into another hug but Oikawa pushed him away, still crying. 

“Please Oikawa!” Yamaguchi cried, dropping the honorific altogether. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Oikawa stood silent for a few more seconds, silent sobs racking his body. Finally he held his arm out to Yamaguchi, palm up. Not understanding, Yamaguchi took his hand in his thinking that’s what he wanted, but Oikawa pulled his hand away and held it there in the air, waiting. 

Yamaguchi didn’t understand. He looked at the hand in front of him, confused at what Oikawa was trying to tell him. Maybe he had gotten hurt? He studied Oikawa’s hand for a second, trying to see if there were any noticeable marks before he gasped, realization finally hitting him.

It wasn’t about what marks were there, but about what marks were not there. Oikawa wasn’t showing him his hand. He was showing him his wrist. His right wrist, which was free of the wristband for the first time since Yamaguchi had met him; the wrist that was supposed to hold the first words his soulmate would say to him. Except it was blank. There were no words at all.

Silence fell as Oikawa worked to get himself under control. Several minutes passed and finally Oikawa looked up at Yamaguchi, eyes puffy and bloodshot. “Now you know,” he said quietly, his voice so sad it broke Yamaguchi’s heart.

Being born without words on your wrist could only mean one thing. Oikawa didn’t have a soulmate.

Yamaguchi reached for Oikawa again, and this time the latter let himself be hugged. “I’m sorry, Oikawa,” Yamaguchi whispered. 

They stood that way for a long time, holding onto each other. Yamaguchi lost track of time, but it didn’t matter. He would be there as long as Oikawa needed him.

After what felt like hours Oikawa finally pulled back and turned away from Yamaguchi. “Yama-chan,” he said softly. “I don’t think we should…see each other anymore.”

Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” he asked cautiously. “Like…stop having sex?” He guessed he could live with that. It was only a matter of time anyway.

“No,” Oikawa said firmly. “Like stop seeing each other…at all.”

The world spun around Yamaguchi and he felt like he was falling. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be. “Why?” he asked. He could hear tears in his voice, but he couldn’t stop himself from speaking. “We can still be friends, Oikawa.” He felt the first tear slip out and he wiped it away quickly.

“No we can’t,” Oikawa murmured. “I ruined it. I knew I shouldn’t…couldn’t. But that didn’t stop me.”

More tears slipped out and Yamaguchi barely realized he was openly crying now. “Stop you from what?” he asked, voice breaking slightly. He couldn’t lose Oikawa.

Oikawa turned back towards Yamaguchi and his eyes were so, so sad. “Loving you,” he said softly.

He moved to turn back away, but Yamaguchi caught his arm and before he realized what he was doing he was kissing Oikawa. 

They had kissed countless times before, and a lot more passionately than the kiss they shared now. But this kiss was different. This kiss wouldn’t lead anywhere. This kiss wasn’t a prerequisite to sex. This wasn’t the kind of kiss friends who sometimes fucked shared. This kiss was alive and soft and warm and very, very real. And it terrified Yamaguchi because he couldn’t be in love with Oikawa. It was wrong, it was immoral, and it was perverse. You weren’t supposed to fall in love with someone who wasn’t your soulmate.

He pulled back slowly and one look in Oikawa’s eyes and he knew he was lost. This was very wrong, but at the same time nothing had ever felt so right. 

They held each other, shaking, both feeling the magnitude of their actions. This was bound to blow up in their faces, but in that moment Yamaguchi couldn’t help but think that that was a problem for future him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	3. The Sweetest Sadness in Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first two chapters were mainly introductory and laying the groundwork. Now the real plot begins :^)

The heat is what woke Yamaguchi up. He looked over at the clock on the bedside table and groaned. It was only 4:30. 

He desperately wanted to get out of the bed and its stifling heat, but Oikawa was making that difficult. The older boy was wrapped around Yamaguchi like a vine and if he hadn’t been so uncomfortably hot, Yamaguchi would have found it endearing. Oikawa had always been a cuddler.

The summer months had set in and Yamaguchi cursed their lack of air conditioning. The ceiling fan spun at its highest setting, but it offered little relief. 

He tried to pull away from Oikawa slowly, not wanting to wake him up, but it seemed the more he tried to untangle their limbs, the stronger Oikawa’s hold became. He sighed before giving in. He felt like a bad boyfriend but he couldn’t take the heat anymore. He pinched Oikawa’s side, right above his hip. It definitely wasn’t enough to bruise but it would still probably hurt. 

Oikawa’s eyes immediately opened and he whined. “Tada-chan,” he groaned, pushing the younger boy’s hand away. “That hurt,” he whined, burying his face in Yamaguchi’s neck.

A small smile found its way to Yamaguchi’s lips despite himself, but he still pushed at Oikawa. As cute as his boyfriend was he was like a living furnace. “You have to move, Tooru. You’re too hot,” he said, exasperation creeping into his voice.

He felt Oikawa grin against his neck. “Aw how sweet Tada-chan. You’re pretty hot yourself,” he said, pressing a kiss to the soft skin of his neck.

Yamaguchi groaned but finally managed to sit up, disentangling their limbs. He kicked the blankets off and lay back on the bed hoping that would be enough. He didn’t have to see Oikawa to know that he was pouting next to him. He was 25 but he still acted like such a petulant child sometimes. Yamaguchi sighed and reached for Oikawa’s hand, grasping it softly. That seemed to appease his childish boyfriend who pecked him on the lips quickly before lying down and closing his eyes. He intertwined their fingers and Yamaguchi couldn’t help smiling softly.

After what felt like hours Yamaguchi slowly felt himself start to fall asleep again, though it was still much too hot to be truly comfortable. 

He dreamed of golden hair and fireflies.

*****

When Oikawa’s alarm morning alarm went off a couple hours later Yamaguchi groaned into the pillow. He couldn’t remember what he had been dreaming about but it had been warm; not in the way he had felt last night when heat had overtaken him, but it was a softer, lighter warmth. The kind of warmth that seeped under your skin and made you feel heady and invincible like the world couldn’t touch you. It had been a while since he had felt that way, with all the fear and uncertainty he faced on a daily basis.

He felt Oikawa roll out of bed, but he kept the pillow pressed over his face, desperately hoping he could fall back asleep and reclaim that wonderful peace he had felt. Sadly he remained awake and after about twenty minutes he also got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. 

He heard the shower running and when he opened the door Oikawa peeked out from behind the shower curtain with an extremely fake glare on his face and too much shampoo in his hair. He was incredibly cute, not that Yamaguchi would ever tell him that. No need to make his ego any bigger than it already was. 

“Ever heard of knocking, Tada-chan?” Oikawa asked. “I’m indecent right now.”

Yamaguchi snorted as he picked up his toothbrush and toothpaste. “Your dick was literally in my ass last night, Tooru,” he said easily, wetting his toothbrush. “You have some weird ideas about what ‘indecent’ means.” 

Oikawa stuck out his tongue childishly before closing the curtain and returning to his shower. Yamaguchi finished brushing his teeth and flushed the toilet just to be an ass. He was rewarded with Oikawa’s yelp as he left the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind him. 

He sat on the couch and pulled up their joint Netflix account (creatively named tadatooru) and was mindlessly scrolling through the shows when Oikawa emerged from the bathroom, hair perfectly styled and an indignant pout on his lips. 

“That wasn’t very nice of you,” he reprimanded. 

Yamaguchi shrugged, returning to scrolling through the shows. Nothing was catching his interest. 

Oikawa huffed and moved to stand in front of the TV, hands on his hips. “Are you going to pay any attention to me, Tada-chan?” 

Yamaguchi faked a long-suffering sigh. “You’re so needy,” he teased. There was absolutely no malice in his voice and he knew Oikawa knew that. The latter smiled and crawled into Yamaguchi’s lap, hands snaking into his hair and pulling him in for a long kiss.

Yamaguchi sighed contentedly, his hand coming up to rest on Oikawa’s hip, pushing his shirt up slightly so he could touch the warm skin underneath. Yamaguchi lost track of how long they sat there kissing lazily, but Oikawa’s phone eventually went off – his reminder to start walking to class. 

Yamaguchi pulled back and rested his forehead against Oikawa’s. “Have fun in class,” he murmured. He felt kind of sad at the prospect of letting his boyfriend go, but Oikawa was drawing close to the end of his technical training and would soon be able to work in the field. What that meant for their future, they were still unsure about. Yamaguchi caught sight of his wrist out of the corner of his eye and his lips turned down slightly. They were still unsure about a lot of things. 

“Any big plans for the day?” Oikawa asked, standing up and running his hands over his hair to make sure it hadn’t mussed during their slow make out session. 

Yamaguchi pried his mind away from his worries and put his best smile on his face, though it was forced and he knew Oikawa could tell. “I’m going to meet Kuroo and Lev for lunch a little later,” he said, forcing a happy, nonchalant tone into his voice.

He was sure Oikawa could guess his thoughts. He was amazingly intuitive. The older boy smiled softly at him, though it was touched with melancholy, and he pulled Yamaguchi in for another soft kiss. “I love you, Tadashi,” he said. The dropping of his sickeningly sweet pet name for Yamaguchi made his stomach clench uncomfortably and he was struck again at the hopelessness of their situation.

“I love you too, Tooru,” he said. Those words were dangerous and they both knew that they wouldn’t be enough when the time came. 

They smiled sadly at each other before Oikawa finally left for class. Yamaguchi sat there unmoving until it was time for him to leave. He didn’t cry. He knew it wouldn’t do any good. 

He had cried a lot in the beginning. He cried at every brush of their fingers, every kiss, every whispered “I love you”, because he knew they wouldn’t last. Couldn’t last. They played a dangerous game, living day to day on such a rocky foundation, and it was only a matter of time before it gave.

*****

Yamaguchi stepped into the small diner and immediately saw – or rather heard – Kuroo and Lev in a side booth, vying back and forth over whether or not glass ketchup bottles were better than plastic ones. He felt a smile crawl over his face at their antics. It had been a few months since he had seen them, and he had eagerly accepted the invitation when Kuroo had asked about meeting up.

He slid into the booth next to Kuroo and was immediately pulled into an awkwardly angled hug from his former roommate. “Yamaguchi!” Kuroo cried, pulling back and smiling widely. “It’s been a while.”

“It has,” Yamaguchi said, laughing lightly. Wherever Kuroo was, the atmosphere was always light and Yamaguchi was grateful for the distraction. “How is Kenma?” he asked, referring to Kuroo’s extremely anti-social soulmate. 

Kuroo smiled. “He’s good. Same as always I guess. Can’t get him to put down his video games.” The clear affection in his eyes suddenly gave way to guarded uncertainty. “How is Oikawa?” he asked carefully.

Kuroo knew about his relationship with Oikawa and it would be an understatement to say he didn’t approve. It was the one sore spot in their friendship and they usually avoided talking about it when they could. As kind and understanding a person as Kuroo was there were still some things even he struggled accepting. 

Yamaguchi chose his words carefully both because he knew Kuroo meant it as more of a pleasantry than actual curiosity and because Lev didn’t know about his and Oikawa’s relationship. He was under the impression – like most people – that they were just roommates.

“He’s fine. Working hard at school,” he said. His eyes fell upon a fourth set of silverware and immediately reached for the change of subject. “Is someone else joining us?”

Kuroo looked relieved at not having to discuss Oikawa further and quickly regained his usual boisterous attitude. “Oh yeah. I invited a friend from my humanities class. He’s really smart and has been helping me out. He’s kind of anti-social and I figured it would be good for him to get out for a bit.”

Yamaguchi nodded along, glad Kuroo was back to normal. “What’s his name?” he asked.

Kuroo opened his mouth to answer but something caught his eye over Lev’s head and he waved. “Speak of the devil,” he said, more to himself than to Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi followed Kuroo’s gaze to a tall, blond boy who was making his way over to the three of them. He was long and gangly and looked decidedly uncomfortable as he approached their table, looking down at them from behind a pair of glasses. He sat down next to Lev and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there. Yamaguchi suddenly felt bad for the kid.

As if suddenly remembering his manners, Kuroo began introductions. “Yamaguchi, this is my friend Tsukishima Kei. Tsukishima, this is my old roommate Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

Yamaguchi stuck his hand out and smiled, trying to put Tsukishima at ease. “Mind if I call you Tsukki?” he asked. He didn’t know why he said it. Surely a simple “nice to meet you” would have sufficed, but he found the words leaving his mouth before he realized what was happening.

Tsukishima’s eyebrows raised and his eyes looked panicked. Yamaguchi was suddenly worried that he had offended the blond boy or made him uncomfortable. His mind raced, trying to figure out how to backpedal and start over.

Tsukishima slowly raised his hand and Yamaguchi was startled to see it was shaking. Had he really unsettled him that much? The taller boy grasped Yamaguchi’s hand in his and he could feel the shaking tremors radiating from his hand, though most of his focus was on how hot Tsukishima’s hand was. It wasn’t an uncomfortable heat, but surely not normal. He was about to suggest that maybe the other boy had a fever when a whispered, “It’s you,” left the blond’s lips.

And just like that, with Tsukishima’s too-hot hand in his, Yamaguchi felt the foundation crumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	4. When You Left You Kissed My Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rubs my angsty little hands together* >:)

Yamaguchi dropped Tsukishima’s hand like it had burned him. He felt like it did. 

They stood up at the same time, bumping the table as they did so. A small part of Yamaguchi was aware that Kuroo and Lev were staring at him mystified, but only vaguely. The rest of his being was completely transfixed by molten golden brown eyes, eyes that he felt he could get lost in easily. 

Almost without realizing it his hand had lifted up and was centimeters away from touching the blond boy’s cheek. Tsukishima. His soulmate. He had found him at last.

Tsukishima raised his own hand to Yamaguchi’s face as well. It was still shaking, but only slightly as his fingers lightly brushed under Yamaguchi’s eyes and across his cheekbones – tracing his freckles, Yamaguchi realized.

Tsukishima’s hand was incredibly warm on his face and it was like Yamaguchi’s whole world narrowed down to that wonderful heat. It was so soft and warm and Yamaguchi wanted nothing more than to capture it and bask in its glow forever. He felt invincible. And for a moment, that was all that mattered.

And then that moment ended.

Yamaguchi’s phone buzzed, breaking the spell, and he looked away quickly, pulling his hand back. His breath was unsteady and he wasn’t sure what emotions his face was betraying. He honestly didn’t know what he was feeling in the first place.

He sat down quickly, embarrassment washing over him. He glanced around the diner quickly and realized what a scene they had caused. Every eye in the diner was on them. Most of the customers were smiling at the pair as they realized what had happened. 

Yamaguchi risked a glance at Tsukishima through his eyelashes and the blond boy looked just as mystified as he felt.

The four of them sat in silence for another few seconds before Lev whooped. “Yamaguchi!” he shouted happily. He pounded Tsukishima on the back several times, grinning from ear to ear. “You scored big man!” he said, lowering his voice slightly, but it was still too loud. “Yamaguchi is a sweetheart and adorable too!”

“Y-Yeah,” Tsukishima stuttered, completely at a loss.

Yamaguchi buried his face in his hands, trying to gather his thoughts when he suddenly felt a gentle hand on his arm. He looked up quickly to see Kuroo regarding him worriedly. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Yamaguchi’s phone buzzed again and he pulled it out as a distraction. He had two new text messages.

From: Tooru <3  
Do you want to go to dinner tonight Tada-chan??

From: Tooru <3  
We haven’t been out in a while. I think it will be good for us~

Yamaguchi’s stomach dropped. Oikawa. This is what they had been fearing and waiting for with baited breath for five years. He felt a knot grow in his throat and he struggled to swallow. The heat of Tsukishima’s touch still lingered on his cheek and he felt dirty all of a sudden. He needed to see Oikawa. 

He rose to his feet again shakily. “I have to go,” he said quietly. It was loud enough to get everybody’s attention though, cutting Lev off from what he was sure was a long and complicated story that he’d been telling Tsukishima. All eyes turned to him and he felt suddenly claustrophobic. He had to get away. He backed up from the table slowly.

He noticed Tsukishima’s eyebrows furrow in confusion before he started to stand up himself and suddenly Yamaguchi was running. He burst out the diner doors and ran down the sidewalk as fast as his legs would carry him. He could hear footsteps behind him and he pushed himself to run faster and eventually the footsteps faded. Still he ran. He ran until his lungs threatened to burst and the ache in his side was unbearable. He slowed to a jog and then a walk before he stood still altogether. 

The summer sun beat down on him and he was a sweaty mess. How far had he come from the diner? He glanced around and realized suddenly that he had run in the complete opposite direction of his apartment. And he had run a long way.

He sat down on a nearby bench, legs giving out almost immediately. He had to get home. He had to talk to Oikawa. 

A car pulled up on the street in front of him and the passenger window rolled down. Kuroo leaned across the seat and fixed a knowing look at Yamaguchi. “Get in,” was all he said.

Yamaguchi got to his feet shakily and slowly slid into the passenger seat. He buckled his seatbelt and looked out the window trying to ignore Kuroo’s intense stare. “Can you just take me home?” he asked softly.

He could feel Kuroo staring at him, but the latter finally sighed and pulled away from the curb, turning around and driving in the direction of Yamaguchi’s apartment.

They drove in tense silence, Kuroo not wanting to say anything that might upset Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi not knowing what to say at all.

When they finally reached Yamaguchi’s apartment Kuroo leaned over, stopping Yamaguchi from unbuckling his seatbelt. “Are you okay?” he asked. It was the same question he had asked at the diner and Yamaguchi still didn’t know how to answer him.

“I don’t know,” he said at last. “No.” He pressed his fingers against his temples. He had a headache. 

Kuroo sighed and leaned away. “I don’t know what advice to give you. You already know my opinion on the matter,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I know,” Yamaguchi said. He was tired and really didn’t want to have this conversation with Kuroo, but there was something he wanted to ask him.

More silence hung in the air as Yamaguchi thought of how to phrase what he wanted to say. “When you…met Kenma,” he paused and looked out the window trying to process his thoughts. “What did it feel like?”

Kuroo thought for a moment before answering. “It was like everything else didn’t matter,” he said at last. “Like I was still in the world, but the perspective changed I guess. Like the world was suddenly much, much smaller. Like it could be contained inside a single person. And I just knew. It’s a powerful thing.” He fixed Yamaguchi with a pointed stare. “Not something you can ignore.”

Yamaguchi nodded, though he didn’t know if it was in agreement or acknowledgment. He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door. “Thanks for the ride, Kuroo,” he said softly. 

He shut the door and Kuroo leaned over the seat again, talking through the rolled down window. “I gave him your number,” he said conversationally. “Tsukishima,” he added as if there was any doubt about who 'him' was. “Just keep in mind when you make your decision that he’s been waiting for this his whole life too.” And with those words Kuroo drove away, leaving Yamaguchi to walk slowly up the stairs to his apartment.

Upon stepping into the apartment he immediately found himself being hugged by a very excited Oikawa. “Tada-chan!” he all but yelled. “I got my grade for my research paper! I got an A!” he jumped about excitedly, too caught up in his joy to realize that Yamaguchi wasn’t jumping with him. “Did you get my texts?” he asked. “I’m sorry I bothered you while you were out with your friends. I just thought it would be nice if we could go out. We haven’t been on a real date in so long.” He pulled away and smiled brightly at Yamaguchi and the latter could almost swear he could feel his heart break.

He wasn’t sure what expression was on his face, but it was enough to give Oikawa pause. “Are you okay, Tada-chan?” he asked worriedly.

Yamaguchi met Oikawa’s eyes and opened his mouth but no words came out. How could he even say what he needed to? How could he tell Oikawa the truth? He closed his mouth and he could feel tears prick at the back of his eyes, though he wasn’t crying yet.

Oikawa studied his face for a minute and then realization crossed his features. “Oh,” he said quietly, pulling away from Yamaguchi. “Oh,” he said again, voice slightly shakier. He sat on the couch and stared off into space.

Yamaguchi just stood there. Everything they had stressed and worried about for years was here and they didn’t know what to do. They had always put it off for their future selves to worry about, sure that they would eventually find the answers. How foolish that seemed now.

“I guess…I’ll move out,” Oikawa said at last, very obviously not looking at Yamaguchi. “I can be out by tomorrow,” he finished. And then as if the situation had finally caught up with him emotionally, he was sobbing. He hid his face in his hands and his sobs racked his body. 

The tears Yamaguchi had been holding back finally broke free and he was crying as well. “I don’t want that, Tooru,” he said, tears falling swiftly down his cheeks. 

“Wh-What choice d-do we have?” Oikawa sobbed out, shoulders shaking violently. 

A strangled sob escaped Yamaguchi’s mouth and he fell on his knees in front of Oikawa, burying his face in the older boy’s lap and he let himself cry.

They had been fools going into this. He had known that from the start. He knew this day would come and he knew it would hurt, but he had put it off, ignoring any possible consequences. He was so, so in love, but that wasn’t enough. At that moment he wished with all his heart that he had never met Oikawa Tooru. If he had never met him he wouldn’t have fallen in love with him and his heart wouldn’t be shattering into a million pieces now. It was a selfish wish, but he could almost hear Oikawa wishing the same thing. They had been selfish. They had been selfish and they had ruined each other.

They sat there for what felt like hours, crying about and for each other, but not comforting each other. There was no comfort they could find in this situation. Finally they pulled apart and Yamaguchi pulled Oikawa’s face down to his, kissing him softly, their tears mingling between their lips. They both knew it was a goodbye kiss. 

Oikawa retreated to the bedroom and Yamaguchi curled up on the couch, suddenly numb. He wiped his face on his sleeve and those damn words caught his eye. He wanted to scream; to throw things. He wanted to scratch at those words until they fell from his wrist, freeing him from a future he wasn’t sure he wanted. He wanted to hate Tsukishima with every fiber of his being for doing this to him and Oikawa, but he knew he couldn’t.

He could hear Oikawa’s quiet sobs coming from their – his – room and those broken cries eventually lulled him into a numb sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For optimal heartbreak, now is a great time to listen to the song "Almost Lover" if you haven't already. 
> 
> Do not worry though friends! We haven't seen the last of Oikawa I promise. I don't have an exact amount of chapters left, but we're probably a little over halfway. A lot still needs to happen so bare with me /.\
> 
> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	5. We Walked Along a Crowded Street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry this chapter is late oh my gosh! This has been a really hectic week for me and I was rushing to get this done on time but it sadly didn't happen. 
> 
> This chapter is from Tsukki's pov because I feel like people need to understand his side too because I am slightly afraid that people do not like Tsukki in this fic right now ;^^ This chapter was actually supposed to be about twice as long as it is, but I decided to split it up into two because that is how far behind I was this week.
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter feels rushed and Tsukki is probably ooc because I am literal shit at writing his character (oops) but I hope you'll just bare with me a little while longer~

The words on Tsukishima’s wrist had always irritated him. They seemed presumptuous and callous. Who asks someone they just met if they could give them a nickname after all? But as his hand lightly traced the freckles of the boy in front of him he found that he wasn’t irritated.

'Mind if I call you Tsukki?' The words played over and over in his head and, as he gazed into warm brown eyes, he found that he didn’t mind at all. He felt warm and light and he was utterly captivated, and he swore that he would never go by anything else if it meant he could keep looking into those eyes.

Unfortunately a buzzing sound tore the boy’s – Yamaguchi’s – eyes away from him and Tsukishima sat down shakily, trying to compose himself as if his world didn’t just suddenly flip upside down.

A loud whoop sounded and suddenly Lev was slapping his back repeatedly. He barely managed to catch the words of congratulations. “Y-Yeah,” he stuttered out in acknowledgement. He flexed his hand slightly under the table. He could swear he could still feel Yamaguchi’s lingering warmth there. It was nice.

He tried his best to pay attention to what Lev was saying, but his mind was spinning out of control. He had just met his soulmate; the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Focusing on anything else was extremely difficult.

“I have to go.” That voice pulled Tsukishima out of his reverie and he glanced up at Yamaguchi. He had a nice voice, he decided. He was so focused on the sound of the words that it took a moment before he understood their meaning. Yamaguchi had to leave. Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows, slightly confused. They hadn’t even ordered yet. Almost without thinking he started to stand up. That’s when Yamaguchi ran.

Tsukishima stood there for a second mystified before his legs started giving chase almost without his consent. He didn’t know what he was doing; he only knew that he had to catch Yamaguchi. Something was seriously wrong. The other boy was fast though, and Tsukishima found that even his longer legs couldn’t keep up. He stood there on the sidewalk, utterly confused. Why had Yamaguchi run? It didn’t make any sense.

He felt more than heard Kuroo walk up beside him. The older boy shifted slightly before sighing. “I’m sorry, Tsukishima,” he said, unusually quiet and grave. “I’ll go get him and see if I can get him to come back…” He paused as if unsure of what to say.

Tsukishima felt his head nod slowly. “Here,” Kuroo said grabbing Tsukishima by the arm and tuning him towards him. “Let me see your phone.”

Tsukishima handed it over as if on auto pilot. Kuroo typed in it for a second before handing it back. “If I can’t get him to come back here, I’d wait a little while before contacting him if I were you. I don’t know what kind of state he’ll be in.”

Tsukishima nodded, though he didn’t really understand, and looked down at his screen. Kuroo had entered Yamaguchi’s number into his phone. “I don’t get it,” he said at last, frustration oozing into his voice.

Kuroo sighed again. “It’s complicated,” he said, brushing a hand through his hair. “Best to let him explain it to you probably.” They stood there a second longer before Kuroo shifted away. “I guess I better go get him,” he mumbled before walking back to the diner where his car was parked. 

Tsukishima didn’t move for a few minutes. He was extremely confused. He slowly shuffled back to the diner, not bothering to go back inside. Something told him that Yamaguchi would not be returning. He got into his car and drove home slowly, his mind frantically trying to find a rhyme or reason to Yamaguchi’s behavior. 

His soulmate had run away from him. Kuroo had said it was complicated so there could have been any number of reasons for Yamaguchi’s panicky flight. But as he pulled into the driveway, he found himself harboring the unwelcome thought that maybe his soulmate didn’t want him. He rested his head on the steering wheel as he thought about it. His soulmate was supposed to be the one who would understand him perfectly; the one who would be able to realize his outward façade was just that – a façade. He had dreamed of this day for as long as he could remember. He was equal parts excited and scared to have someone who knew him so well. But in none of his fantasies or daydreams had he entertained the idea that he would be rejected. It hurt to think about it now. He felt a tear prick at his eye and he wiped it away furiously. He wouldn’t cry. That would be truly pathetic of him.

When he lay down that night he couldn’t keep his mind from dreaming of soft brown eyes and light freckles.

*****

To: Yamaguchi  
This is Tsukishima. We met last week. I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee?

Tsukishima read the message over and over, trying to find the nerve to hit send. He had done as Kuroo had suggested, waiting about a week before contacting the other boy. It had been a long week. It was strange how much he was able to miss a person he barely knew, but oh did he miss him. He had taken to moping about the apartment, even more surly and disgruntled than he normally was. 

He had been sitting here for the better part of an hour, typing out several messages before deleting them all, unsure how to start a conversation. He had finally settled on coffee, assuming that to be a pretty noncommittal thing, but he still lacked the willpower to send it.

He was worried that Yamaguchi wouldn’t want him. He still didn’t know why the other boy had run that day, but the possibility of rejection had been the first thought in his mind almost every day since.  
He sighed and deleted the text. He couldn’t bring himself to send it, no matter how much he longed to see the other boy. He would never admit that out loud though. He sighed and pocketed his phone, deciding he would get that coffee after all. Maybe he would have the courage to text Yamaguchi with some caffeine in his system. 

It was a nice morning and the coffee shop wasn’t too far away so he decided to walk. He pulled his headphones over his ears and made his way to the coffee shop, lost in thought, berating himself over and over again for being such a coward.

He entered the small shop and almost smiled when he saw Akaashi working behind the counter. He loved when his roommate was working because he usually gave him discounts. 

Akaashi caught his eye as he stepped up to the counter and raised a cup up questioningly as if to say, ‘The usual?’ Tsukishima nodded and watched as Akaashi filled the cup with coffee and stirred in the perfect amount of cream and sugar.

“Here’s your diabetes in a cup,” the older boy deadpanned, waving off Tsukishima’s payment. Akaashi rarely gave him his coffee free, and Tsukishima nodded in thanks before finding a seat and scrolling through his phone as he sipped at the steaming drink. Tsukishima had a ridiculous sweet tooth, though one wouldn’t ever guess it just from looking at him. It had taken almost a year before Akaashi had stopped cringing every time he made Tsukishima’s coffee.

Tsukishima lost track of the time, still scrolling through his facebook feed. He looked out the window and saw that the sun had risen considerably. He looked back to his phone and saw that it was already almost noon. He was just considering leaving when he heard the door to the coffee shop open and soft footsteps approach the counter. 

“Can I get a medium coffee with three spoons of creamer and four spoons of sugar please?” Tsukishima froze. A very small part of him took note of the fact that the person was ordering their coffee the exact same way he did, but the majority of his focus was on that voice. A voice that was both confidant and sweet, and incredibly soft. The voice wrapped around him beautifully and he raised his eyes to the counter. 

Of course it was Yamaguchi. He had recognized his voice immediately despite only having heard it once; and honestly who else’s voice could have had such an impact on Tsukishima? Yamaguchi’s back was too him as he accepted his coffee from Akaashi, and as he turned Tsukishima almost wished he wouldn’t see him. What if he ran again? 

He did see him though and their eyes locked, and Yamaguchi froze and Tsukishima couldn’t breathe. Yamaguchi’s eyes were just as captivating as that day and he wanted to see them closer, wanted to brush his fingers over those freckles again and lose himself in those eyes.

Yamaguchi bit his lip, seeming to debate with himself internally before slowly making his way over to where Tsukishima sat, standing next to him uncertainly. “Hello, Tsukishima,” he said softly, eyes on the floor.

Tsukishima felt himself get light headed before reminding himself that he needed to breathe. He took a shaky breath and nodded once, not trusting his voice. 

Yamaguchi’s feet shuffled back and forth slightly before he looked up, meeting Tsukishima’s eyes again. “Can I sit with you?” he asked.

Tsukishima nodded quickly, beyond grateful that Yamaguchi wasn’t going to try to get away again.

The brunet sat in the chair opposite him and brought the cup he was holding to his lips. Tsukishima noticed that the other boy’s hands were shaking slightly. The silence stretched on for an unnaturally long time, and Tsukishima couldn’t really tell if it was an awkward silence or not. It wasn’t comfortable, but it didn’t necessarily feel uncomfortable either. 

Finally he broke it. “You order your coffee the same way I do,” he said, and then immediately wanted to slap himself. Why couldn’t he think of anything cool or interesting to say?

A slight smile tugged at Yamaguchi’s lips. It was small, but genuine and Tsukishima found himself craving more.

“People make fun of me for it,” Yamaguchi said, tentatively, that small smile still in place. “But I just don’t like the taste of coffee really.”

Tsukishima nodded in perfect understanding. “Me neither. It’s the caffeine I like, not the drink itself.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened so slightly Tsukishima was almost sure he had imagined it. “Exactly!” the brunet exclaimed, smiling wider.

Conversation came easily after that and Tsukishima was surprised at how much they had in common, though he supposed he shouldn’t have been. They were perfect matches after all. He found himself rubbing slightly at the words on his wrist, running that thought over in his head. It was nice.

Yamaguchi’s eyes followed the movement and he blushed slightly as he caught sight of the words. “I’m sorry about that by the way,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “What rude first words, huh?” 

“I actually don’t mind so long as it’s you,” Tsukishima found himself saying and suddenly he was blushing just as much as Yamaguchi. Fuck. Why was he acting like a high schooler with a crush? He was a grown ass man for God’s sake.

Yamaguchi smiled again, and the slight dusting of pink in his cheeks made him seem even cuter. “Okay, Tsukki!” he said happily and Tsukishima immediately knew he had made the right choice.

Yamaguchi still seemed reserved, but as the conversation went on he slowly became more lively and animated, and the smile seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face and Tsukishima found himself answering it with a genuine smile of his own. He never got on this well with anyone and it was a bright and heady thing. In just one conversation he knew how easy it would be to become addicted to Yamaguchi Tadashi, and he couldn’t help but look forward to it.

As they said their goodbyes later that afternoon, officially exchanging numbers (Tsukishima had Yamaguchi’s, but the latter still needed Tsukishima’s number) and agreeing to meet up the next day, Tsukishima couldn’t help but raise his hand slowly, letting it hover a few inches from Yamaguchi’s face. He met Yamaguchi’s eyes and made sure he gave the other boy plenty of time to pull away before he lightly brushed his fingers along the smattering of freckles under the brunet’s eye. That impossible to forget warmth tingled on his fingertips and he drank it in, before pulling his hand away. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He had meant for it to be a parting statement but had uncertainly turned it into a question at the last minute. 

Yamaguchi’s eyes seemed slightly guarded but he nodded. “See you tomorrow, Tsukki,” he said before exiting the coffee shop. Tsukishima sat in his seat unmoving for several minutes before he too stood up and made his way out of the coffee shop into the sweltering late-afternoon heat. 

It was only later that night, as he was on the verge of falling asleep, that Tsukishima realized he had never asked Yamaguchi why he had ran away that first day. As Tsukishima slowly drifted off into unconsciousness he couldn’t help but feel like maybe he was better off not knowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that next week's chapter will also probably be posted on Sunday instead of Saturday because I have a family reunion I have to attend and I will probably be too busy being the Family Disappointment™ to upload anything.
> 
> Also my beta reader drew some  fanart  for this fic and I am so blessed!  
> *Edit* That link is not working so while I try to figure out how the hell to code, you can copy and paste this url if you want to see the fanart ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> http://yamsfreckles.tumblr.com/post/144424901336


	6. I Never Want to See You Unhappy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I don't even know what to say. I'm so so so /so/ sorry that this chapter is so late coming. I promise I have not abandoned this work and saying that I have been so busy the last month feels like the weakest excuse in the book but this last month has been incredibly hard and I hope you'll all forgive me. I actually had it finished a while ago, but then my computer freaked out and I lost a lot of my files and couldn't figure out how to restore them which was a really bad day for me because I had a lot of WIPs but it was a good lesson in backing up my files. Plus rewriting this chapter gave me some more ideas and I think I like how it turned out better than how I originally wrote it. I hope to have another chapter up this week as well to kind of make up for my radio silence. Y'all are the best and thank you so much for sticking with me <3

Weeks passed in what felt like bliss to Tsukishima. Being with Yamaguchi was so very easy. They were very different people, but Tsukishima was surprised to see they fit so well together and – as cliché as it sounded – Tsukishima knew that Yamaguchi made him a better person. 

Yamaguchi didn’t mind that Tsukishima never seemed extremely passionate about anything and the shorter boy was slowly managing to break down the walls that Tsukishima had constructed around himself. And Tsukishima found that Yamaguchi’s inane babbling didn’t bother him at all. In fact, it had the same soothing effect on him that music did.

Of course it wasn’t perfect. Tsukishima still had yet to ask Yamaguchi why he had run that day, though he assumed it had something to do with the way the shorter boy sometimes looked away sadly or bit his lip uncertainly before kissing Tsukishima. Little things that made Tsukishima nervous and antsy, but that were easy enough to ignore when the good aspects of their relationship shone through much more often. He should have asked; a good soulmate would have asked. But he was so so afraid of what the answer would be. So he kept silent and cursed himself for being such a coward.

Cowardice aside though, their relationship progressed nicely and by the three month mark Tsukishima knew that he was without a doubt in love with Yamaguchi. They didn’t live together – not that anybody would blink an eye if they did (things often moved really quickly with soulmates after all) – but Tsukishima often spent the night at Yamaguchi’s apartment. Yamaguchi would have slept at Tsukishima’s apartment more often, but having Akaashi there kind of put a damper on things. Not that they were a wild couple in any case, but just the knowledge of having somebody in the next room made them slightly uncomfortable.

It was on an unremarkable Thursday night, three weeks after realizing that he was in love with him, that Tsukishima finally told Yamaguchi. They were lying in bed cuddling, spent after their recent activities. Tsukishima was running his hand through Yamaguchi’s hair, marveling at how soft and beautiful the other boy always looked after orgasm. Yamaguchi’s eyes were closed and he was breathing softly, a small smile on his lips and Tsukishima couldn’t help but lean in and press a chaste kiss to that beautiful smile, before sighing contentedly and letting the words he had been feeling the last few weeks finally spill over his lips. “I love you, Tadashi,” he whispered, burying his face in Yamaguchi’s neck.

Yamaguchi didn’t say anything and Tsukishima assumed he had fallen asleep, which was fine. He didn’t need any grand reaction and he hadn’t meant for his admission to put Yamaguchi on the spot in any way. He had just wanted to express what he was feeling. 

Tsukishima sighed again before pulling Yamaguchi closer, letting his comfortable, familiar heat lull him to sleep. As he was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, he thought he felt a tear brush his ear, but he was fast asleep before he could dwell on it.

*****  
Tsukishima woke up in the middle of the night freezing. They were well into fall and the nights had been chillier lately. He sat up groggily and looked around, confused. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust and even then his vision wasn’t the best without his glasses; not that he needed to see to know that Yamaguchi wasn’t in bed with him.

He stood up slowly and reached for his glasses on the bedside table, before pulling on a pair of sweatpants out of the small drawer of his clothes that he kept at Yamaguchi’s apartment. 

The light wasn’t on in the bathroom so Tsukishima made his way to the living room, but Yamaguchi wasn’t there either. He glanced out the window, thinking maybe Yamaguchi had to run somewhere, but his car was still in the driveway. He furrowed his eyebrows and was trying not to worry as he made his way back to the bedroom, intent on calling Yamaguchi’s cell phone when a light from under the door to the spare bedroom caught his eye. He had never been in that room before, but Yamaguchi had told him he had had a roommate before so Tsukishima had figured that was his roommate’s old room.

Tsukishima opened the door to the room slowly and looked around confused. It wasn’t a bedroom at all, but more of an office. There was a desk against one wall and a half-empty bookshelf against another and Tsukishima was so preoccupied trying to puzzle the room out that he almost missed Yamaguchi sitting on the floor against one of the empty walls with his face buried in his knees. Tsukishima’s relief at having found him was short lived as he realized that the brunet’s shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. 

Tsukishima’s blood ran cold and he rushed to Yamaguchi’s side, trying not to freak out. “Tadashi?” he asked softly, kneeling down beside the sobbing boy.

Yamaguchi yelped and whipped his head up quickly. When his eyes met Tsukishima’s he blinked once then wailed and he quickly buried his face in his hands, avoiding Tsukishima’s eyes.

Tsukishima didn’t know what to do and he was so afraid. Something was hurting Yamaguchi and he didn’t know how to help him. He shifted so he was sitting next to Yamaguchi, leaning against the wall himself, and he put his arm around his hysterical soulmate, drawing him close to his side. There was nothing he could do but try not to panic and wait until Yamaguchi was in a better state to talk to him.

Tsukishima didn’t know how long they sat there, but eventually Yamaguchi’s sobs turned dry, having cried himself out, though they still racked his body. Tsukishima was starting to worry about Yamaguchi making himself sick when the sobs slowly subsided into whimpers before fading out altogether, leaving Yamaguchi empty and boneless as he rested against Tsukishima. 

The later waited what he guessed to be another five minutes before speaking. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked tentatively, not sure what he would do if Yamaguchi said no.

No answer came for quite a while and Tsukishima was staring to contemplate asking again when Yamaguchi finally spoke. “Not really,” he said, voice incredibly raspy. “But I guess I kind of have to.” He reached up and wiped his face, though his tears had long since dried.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Tsukishima said softly, not wanting to make Yamaguchi uncomfortable, but burning with the desire to know what had hurt him so much so he could make sure it never happened again.

Yamaguchi slowly sat up, pulling away from Tsukishima and sliding a foot or so away from him, pulling his knees back up to his chest. “I guess I kind of love you?” he said, making his words into a question, not meeting Tsukishima’s eyes.

“O…kay?” Tsukishima said slowly, unsure how that explained Yamaguchi’s reaction. “I love you too. You know that right?” Was Yamaguchi unsure of his feelings? He thought he had heard him last night, but maybe he hadn’t.

Yamaguchi started picking at a loose thread at the foot of his pajama bottoms. “Yeah, I know,” he said softly.

They sat in silence for another few minutes. “So what’s the problem?” Tsukishima asked, more confused than he had ever been. Why would the fact that they both loved each other be cause for such an extreme reaction?

Yamaguchi swallowed thickly, still refusing to look at Tsukishima. “Because I love someone else too,” he said at last.

At first Tsukishima didn’t comprehend what Yamaguchi had said. He loved someone else? That was impossible wasn’t it? They were soulmates after all. And you weren’t supposed to love somebody who wasn’t your soulmate.

But Tsukishima also knew that Yamaguchi wouldn’t lie to him. Especially about something like this. But this was a truth he didn’t know if he could deal with. He felt tears prick at his eyes, though he absolutely refused to let them fall. He didn’t spend all that time masking his emotions to fail now.

He interlocked his fingers as he made the only logical connection he could. “You cheated on me.” His voice was devoid of emotion and he said it as a simple fact, though he wanted to yell and scream. These things didn’t happen in the real world. Sure they made for good dramas on TV, but people didn’t really cheat on their soulmates. Or at least, Tsukishima thought they didn’t.

“No!” Yamaguchi cried, appalled at the assumption. “I’m not that kind of person, Tsukki,” he said, voice dipping with hurt.

“How could you love someone else then?” Tsukishima continued to deadpan, but inside he was a mess, desperate for reassurance.

Yamaguchi swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I was involved with someone before I met you,” he said, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs. “We were friends in high school and we started sleeping together to help with sexual frustration and all that. Friends with benefits, y’know?” He continued without waiting for Tsukishima to answer, which was probably a good thing because Tsukishima had no idea what to say. “It shouldn’t have turned into anything more, but it did.” Yamguchi’s voice broke slightly, as if his body was trying to make him cry again. “We dated for five years even though we shouldn’t have. We really loved each other,” Yamaguchi finished, inhaling shakily.

Tsukishima still didn’t know what to say. Casual sex was one thing. People did it all the time. Even he had experimented with Akaashi back in high school, before Akaashi had met his soulmate. It happened. But falling in love? That was something that was supposed to be reserved for your soulmate. 

“And you still do? Love him, I mean,” Tsukishima said at last.

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi whispered, turning his face into his knees. 

They sat in silence while Tsukishima’s mind was finally filling in all the pieces he had been missing. “That’s why you ran. When we met,” he said at last. “You already had someone and didn’t want me.”

Yamaguchi said nothing, which was all the confirmation Tsukishima needed. It hurt, but he wouldn’t focus on that. He needed to focus on the here and now.

He huffed out a sigh before standing up. “Okay,” he said.

Yamaguchi finally met his eyes for the first time since they started talking, and the incredible sadness in them felt like a punch to the gut. Yamaguchi was hurting so much and Tsukishima hated that.

“Okay what?” Yamaguchi asked quietly, drawing in on himself as if preparing for the worst.

Tsukishima reached a hand down to Yamaguchi, which the latter tentatively took, before he pulled him gently to his feet. “Okay, you told me what’s wrong, which is all I wanted in the first place. Now we can go back to bed.”

Yamaguchi’s eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not going to leave me?” he asked, voice cracking as if he was going to cry again.

Those words stung Tsukishima deeply. Did Yamaguchi really think so little of him? He pulled Yamaguchi into his arms slowly. “I’m not going to leave,” he reassured him gently, emotion dripping back into his voice as Yamaguchi once again brought his walls down. He rubbed his hand up and down the shorter boy’s back, trying to will his sadness away. “You said you love me too and that’s good enough for me.”

Yamaguchi hiccupped slightly and Tsukishima felt a few tears fall onto his shoulder. He didn’t acknowledge them, simply pulled back and lead Yamaguchi back to his bed where he immediately curled into Tsukishima’s side, crying quietly. 

Tsukishima knew those tears were as much for his old boyfriend as they were for him and, even stronger than the insecurity and guilt, he felt overwhelming sadness. He wasn’t sad for himself though. He honestly was fine as long as Yamaguchi loved him too. He was sad for Yamaguchi, even a little sad for the other man Yamaguchi loved. He vowed right then and there that he would never allow Yamaguchi to feel such overwhelming sadness ever again. 

His arm tightened around Yamaguchi as the latter cried himself to sleep, determined to find a way to heal Yamaguchi’s heart.

*****  
It had taken a lot of pestering on Tsukishima’s end – which he would normally consider himself above, but desperate times and all that – but Kuroo had finally caved, giving Tsukishima the information he needed.

He spent the next few days scouring the internet for any information he could find (which wasn’t much. Their situation wasn’t without precedent but it was incredibly rare) to make sure he completely understood what it was he was about to get himself into, and armed with his newly acquired knowledge, an address, and a name (both courtesy of Kuroo) he put his plan into motion.

The house was small and quaint and immediately set Tsukishima on edge. He shuffled up to the door nervously, trying to think of the best way to start this conversation. He had never had to do anything remotely like this and he wasn’t used to being at such a loss. 

He reached the porch and stood with his hand raised in a fist, ready to knock. The thought of Yamaguchi is all that gave him strength to connect his fist to the door, rapping against the wood three times before letting it fall to his side.

Several moments passed before a man a year or two older than Tsukishima answered the door. He had short, spikey hair and looked to be about Yamaguchi’s height. He surveyed Tsukishima carefully before folding his arms across his chest. “Can I help you?” he asked, not unkindly, but not warmly either.

Tsukishima cleared his throat. “I’m looking for Oikawa Tooru,” he said, secretly hoping that that wasn’t who he was speaking too. This guy could definitely kick his ass in a fight – not that he was here for a fight, but still.

The shorter male seemed taken aback for a second. “Oh. Sure, I’ll go get him,” he said, obvious confusion in his eyes. He turned toward the inside of the house and made his way down a hallway out of Tsukishima’s sight. He had left the door open but hadn’t extended an invitation inside so Tsukishima remained on the porch trying not to fidget nervously. 

What was he even doing here? Surely he should have just let it be. He was half a second from turning away and never coming back when he remembered how sad Yamaguchi had looked, how loud his heartbroken tears had sounded in the silence of that room and he willed himself to see this through to the end.

Movement at the end of the hallway caught Tsukishima’s eye and he looked up as a tall – not as tall as him but still a pretty good height – brunet approached the doorway. 

Knowing that this was Oikawa Tooru, Tsukishima couldn’t help sizing him up. This was the man that Yamaguchi was in love with after all. His hair was a beautiful shade of brown and, despite being obviously styled, looked incredibly soft. His eyes were almost the exact same shade of brown as Yamaguchi’s, but where Yamaguchi’s eyes were warm and soft, Oikawa’s were cold and calculating and they set Tsukishima on edge. He had a strong jaw and soft-looking lips and his body looked lean, yet strong. All in all he was very beautiful and Tsukishima found himself feeling extremely inadequate. He couldn’t blame Yamaguchi for getting involved in a sexual relationship with such an attractive person.

No wonder Yamaguchi hadn’t wanted Tsukishima.

No. He felt like smacking himself. While that might have been true in the beginning, it wasn’t anymore. ‘Tadashi loves you, you idiot. You know that,’ he thought. ‘It’s just he loves Oikawa too.’ He swallowed roughly, the thought of Yamaguchi’s feelings giving him the strength to do what he needed to do.

“Oikawa Tooru?” he asked, though he knew this was him.

Oikawa seemed to size Tsukishima up before nodding slowly. “That’s right. Can I help you?” he asked.

“I wanted to talk to you about Yamaguchi Tadashi,” Tsukishima said matter-of-factly.

The name had an instant effect on Oikawa. He stiffened slightly and his eyes softened for a split second before hardening into a cold stare. But that had been enough, and if Tsukishima hadn’t been sure if Oikawa had any lingering feelings for Yamaguchi, he was now.

“You’re him, aren’t you?” Oikawa asked curtly. “Tadashi’s soulmate.”

Tsukishima was hyper aware of Oikawa’s immediate dislike for him, and he honestly didn’t blame him. He figured he would feel the same way towards Oikawa if their roles were reversed. But he didn’t want to risk Oikawa slamming the door in his face so he bit back his immediate, snarky response. “Yes,” he said, in what he hoped was a kind voice. “My name is Tsukishima Kei.” He extended his hand towards Oikawa, but received a glare in return and slowly lowered it back to his side.

Oikawa scoffed before leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “Here to gloat are you?” he asked in a biting tone. “Or maybe you’re here to warn me to stay away from your one true love and all that bullshit,” Oikawa continued, rolling his eyes. “Well no worries, lover boy. I’m not looking to cause any drama with you and Tadashi’s ‘destined’ relationship so you can go home now,” he said haughtily. 

He didn’t know if it was from his own experiences faking his disinterest, but Tsukishima immediately knew that’s what Oikawa was doing. With that realization came the realization that Oikawa and himself weren’t very different people after all. It was a wonder that sweet, honest Yamaguchi got on so well with such fucked up, emotionally closed off people, but that was a mystery for another day.

“That’s not why I’m here at all, Oikawa-san,” Tsukishima said, intentionally adding the honorific so that Oikawa wouldn’t think he was being disrespectful in any way. He took a deep breath before letting the other shoe drop. “I’m here to ask you to start dating Tadashi again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 3 or 4 more chapters to go kids. It's official.  
> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	7. Should've Known You'd Bring Me Heartache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long break that I can't apologize enough for. My laptop only works about half the time and I have been working a lot of hours at work. On the plus side, there are only two or three chapters left, so you only have to put up with me and my wonky update schedule for a little bit longer! Oikawa's POV time >:) I tried my hardest to convey what he was feeling and I hope you guys like it! Thanks for sticking with me!

6 months, Oikawa thought. 6 months and then he could get the hell out of dodge. He could leave and start a new life in America and leave behind everything in this town. He could leave behind the cafes and the streets and the stores and everything that did nothing but bring back painful memories that he wished he could bury so deep they never resurfaced. The wounds were still so fresh and it hurt to think about so he threw himself into his schooling with newfound vigor. He got a part-time job even though Iwaizumi didn’t make him pay rent because being busy was so much better than being left alone to his thoughts and his regrets. 

As busy as he stayed, the intrusive thoughts always had a way of sneaking up on him at night when he tried to sleep. He should never have dated Yamaguchi. He had known that from the beginning but it was all too easy to put unhappy thoughts of the future aside when he was so happy in the moment. He thought about all the things he could have done to avoid the heartache he was feeling now. If he had only pushed Yamaguchi away when he had held him and kissed him that day five years ago; or if he hadn’t suggested that they be fuck buddies in the first place. The feelings he had for the younger boy would have eventually disappeared, he knew that. Or if he had even taken it one step further and just dropped contact after he graduated high school like so many of his peers…but that was no good. He decided he would rather have his heart broken a thousand times over than to have never known how wonderful and kind and beautiful Yamaguchi Tadashi was.

Oikawa rolled over and sighed, staring at the off-white wall of Iwaizumi’s guest bedroom as he watched it slowly brighten with the rising sun. It had been another sleepless night. He considered skipping class today, but immediately disregarded the thought. He needed to be busy. He showered and dressed as if on auto pilot, styling his hair to absolute perfection and dabbing some concealer under his eyes to hide the bags that were almost a constant companion lately.

He was digging his shoes out from under the bed when there was a knock on the bedroom door and Iwaizumi entered the room, smiling softly at his lifelong best friend. 

Oikawa would always be grateful for Iwaizumi. He had taken him in without a second thought even though he and his wife were currently expecting their first child. Oikawa hated to be a burden, but Iwaizumi had insisted since Oikawa’s scholarship wasn’t enough to cover school and his own apartment. 

Oikawa returned Iwaizumi’s smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey Iwa-chan,” he said conversationally.

Iwaizumi nodded slightly and seemed to size up Oikawa, who shrank under the careful scrutiny. “You didn’t sleep again, did you?” he asked, smile slipping from his face.

Oikawa just shrugged. He couldn’t lie to Iwaizumi but he didn’t want to talk about it.

Because he knew Oikawa inside and out, Iwaizumi dropped the subject. “There’s someone at the door for you, shittykawa,” he said, resorting to teasing in the hopes of distracting Oikawa. 

For half a second Oikawa let himself feel hope. “Is it…?” 

Iwaizumi shook his head sadly. “No, I don’t know who it is. Some blond guy. I figured he was from class or something.”

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows, but made his way down the hallway to the front door, apprehension tensing his muscles. Nobody visited him. Mostly because nobody knew where he lived. He had told Yamaguchi he would be staying with Iwaizumi so that he wouldn’t worry, but aside from that he had kept quiet about it. 

He rounded the corner at the end of the hall and took in the man standing on the porch as he made his way towards him. He was tall and wore a pair of rectangular glasses over eyes that seemed to be sizing Oikawa up as much as he was sizing up the stranger. Oikawa was positive he had never seen this person before in his life.

He reached the door and didn’t say anything, waiting for the stranger to speak, which he eventually did.

“Oikawa Tooru?” he asked.

Obviously this person had never seen Oikawa before either. So why was he here? “That’s right,” Oikawa said, nodding, trying to keep his voice cordial and friendly. “Can I help you?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Yamaguchi Tadashi.” The name caught Oikawa off guard for a moment before he immediately closed off. Suddenly he knew exactly who this person was and he was so angry. How dare he come here?

“You’re him aren’t you? Tadashi’s soulmate.” Oikawa didn’t care that his voice sounded cold and mean. Why couldn’t this man let sleeping dogs lie?

“Yes,” the man said, extending his hand. “My name is Tsukishima Kei.”

Oikawa glared at the man – Tsukishima – until he lowered his hand awkwardly. 

Oikawa scoffed rudely and leaned against the door jam. “Here to gloat are you?” he asked bitterly. “Or maybe you’re here to warn me to stay away from your one true love and all that bullshit.” It hurt so much, to refer to Yamaguchi as someone else’s. He just wanted Tsukishima to leave him alone to his misery. Was that too much to ask? “Well no worries, lover boy. I’m not looking to cause any drama with you and Tadashi’s ‘destined’ relationship so you can go home now,” he said dismissively.

Oikawa should have slammed the door in his face, shouldn’t have been engaging his ex-boyfriend’s vindictive soulmate at all, but he couldn’t do it. Maybe he was a glutton for pain and punishment after all, but he waited for Tsukishima to answer, to dig the knife further into his heart by telling him that Yamaguchi had moved on.

Tsukishima studied him for a moment before answering. “That’s not why I’m here at all, Oikawa-san,” he said, and Oikawa immediately bristled, waiting for the rug to be swept out from under his feet. “I’m here to ask you to start dating Tadashi again.”

For a second Oikawa thought he had misheard, because there’s no way in hell he heard that right. “What?” he asked, dumbly.

Tsukishima sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I want you to date Tadashi again, Oikawa-san,” he said, looking anywhere but at Oikawa.

This had to be some sick joke. Oikawa felt bile rise in his throat. This was nothing more than a carrot Tsukishima was dangling in front of his face, waiting for him to jump at it so that he could snatch it back and laugh as he watched Oikawa come crashing down.

“Fuck you,” he bit out before moving to slam the door; but Tsukishima was quicker, blocking the door with his arm.

“Please, Oikawa-san, just hear me out,” he said, refusing to move.

“Why should I?” Oikawa said angrily. “You can’t expect me to believe that you would honestly step aside from the one you were destined to be with just so I could date him again.” He felt the urge to punch something, and he clenched his fist at his side tightly to keep from acting on it. 

“Who said anything about stepping aside?” Tsukishima said, eyes flashing dangerously. 

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, before opening the door fully. “What do you mean, then?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

Tsukishima sighed before backing up slightly and leaning against the porch railing. “I love Tadashi, and he loves me. I want to make that perfectly clear. And I have no intention of stepping aside.” Oikawa scowled, but either Tsukishima didn’t notice or was graciously pretending he didn’t. “But Tadashi still loves you, too. It hurts him so much that he can’t be with you, and that’s hard to watch.” Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat. Yamaguchi still loved him. If Tsukishima was being honest, that is.

“So…?” Oikawa prompted after the silence stretched on.

“So,” Tsukishima said, meeting Oikawa’s eyes, “I want you to date him like I already said. Except I’ll be dating him too and you would have to be okay with that.” His eyes seemed to bore into Oikawa’s soul and the latter found that the longer he spent trying to decipher the emotions in the blond’s eyes, the more he believed him.

The anger dissipated, and was replaced by confusion. “You want us to date the same person at the same time?” he asked. “How does that even work?”

Tsukishima shrugged. “It’s called an open relationship. They are incredibly uncommon, but they do happen. Usually among the rare few people who have more than one soulmate, but I feel like we could apply the same principal. It would be up to Tadashi to decide how everything worked.”

Oikawa’s head was spinning. This was so much to take in, and it was hard to wrap his mind around it. It was unbelievable. Things like this just didn’t happen.

“And you’re okay with that?” he asked slowly. “You’re okay with me being with your soulmate romantically and physically?” he asked, because he honestly could not believe it. He wouldn’t be okay with it if their situations were reversed.

Tsukishima looked away, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. They sat in silence for a while, and Oikawa knew he couldn’t rush this. Only Tsukishima could answer this question.

Finally, after what felt like ages, Tsukishima turned back to Oikawa. “I want Tadashi to be happy,” he said softly. “I don’t mind sharing him, if that’s what he wants.”

For the first time during their whole conversation, Oikawa felt admiration and respect for Tsukishima. He was a good person, he decided. “What if I don’t want to share?” he asked, because, good person or not, Tsukishima rubbed him the wrong way and the need to irritate him was really strong.

“You are perfectly within your rights to not want to.” Tsukishima narrowed his eyes before continuing. “Just so long as you know that that’s the only way you can be with him, because I’m not going anywhere,” he said standing up straight again. “If you do think this is something you want to try then we can talk to Tadashi about it.”

“Wait, you haven’t run this by Tadashi yet?” Oikawa asked incredulous. 

Tsukishima shrugged. “I didn’t see any point in getting his hopes up if you weren’t comfortable with the situation,” he said.

“And what about getting my hopes up if he’s not comfortable?” Oikawa asked, realizing that that was a very real possibility.

Tsukishima smirked. “I don’t have a personal connection to you, so I really don’t care how you feel. Tadashi is my priority, and always will be.”

Oikawa ground his teeth together, irritated, though he couldn’t find fault in the logic. He and Tsukishima were complete strangers who just happened to be in love with the same person after all. “I really don’t know. This is such a weird situation,” he said.

“I know,” Tsukishima said. “I know it will take some time to think about, so I don’t need an answer right this second,” he said. “Just wanted to put it out there. The decision is yours after all.” With that Tsukishima turned and left, getting into his car and driving off before Oikawa could think of anything else to say.

And what would he have been able so say anyway? He missed Yamaguchi more than anything. He missed how perfectly Yamaguchi fit under arm when they cuddled, and he missed how their bodies came together when they had sex. He could almost pretend that Yamaguchi was meant to be with him when they fit so well together like that – could almost pretend that he himself was worthy of a soulmate as beautiful and selfless and kind as Yamaguchi Tadashi. But much more than the physical things, he missed the warmth that Yamaguchi brought into his life; the happiness and the desire to be a better person. Yamaguchi made him want to try. 

But was that enough to risk being hurt all over again? Was it enough to offer his heart to Yamaguchi again and risk it being broken worse than before, until he really was only a shell of his former self? Oikawa smiled softly as he realized that, yes, it was. Because he loved Yamaguchi, and even if he was hurt, he had to know. He couldn’t go to America and live in regret, always wondering what would have happened if he had only been brave enough. 

With his decision made he ran inside to grab his phone before rushing out again, offering an “I’ll explain later” to pacify Iwaizumi’s curious expression. He pulled the door closed, typing out a quick text to one of his classmates to take notes for him, and all but ran to the bus stop. 

While he waited for the bus he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found the name he was looking for. He had never called the number before and only had it in his contacts from back before he and Yamaguchi had moved in together, in case of emergency. He clicked the call button and held the phone to his ear as it connected.

It rang twice before a confused voice answered. “Oikawa?”

“Kuroo,” Oikawa said in acknowledgement. “Sorry about this. I know I’m not your favorite person, but I need to know how to find Tsukishima Kei.” Oikawa crossed his fingers hoping his hunch was correct and that Kuroo knew Tsukishima.

There was silence on the other end of the line followed by a very suspicious “Why?”

Oikawa sighed. “It’s personal. Please, if you know I would be very grateful.”

The bus pulled up just then and Oikawa quickly got on, showing his bus pass to the driver before sitting down, all the while listening to the thick silence on the other end of the line.

Finally Kuroo spoke. “He has an apartment a few blocks away from Telegraph Street, but he’s probably at Yamaguchi’s. He said he was going there after he ran an errand,” he said slowly.

“Thanks Kuroo,” Oikawa said quickly, disconnecting the call before Kuroo could say anything else, before he could try to talk him out of going to Yamaguchi’s for what he probably assumed was an altercation. 

When the bus pulled up in front of the stop across the street from his old apartment, Oikawa was beyond nervous. He approached the apartment slowly, noting that nothing much had changed on the outside. This had been his home for over four years of his life and he smiled wistfully at all the happy memories he had here.

He reached the porch and paused, taking a deep breath. He prepared his heart for the worst, and knocked. He thought surely the loud thumping of his heart could be heard from miles around as he waited with baited breath. 

He heard the deadbolt slide and as the door was pulled open he was suddenly overwhelmed by what he was doing. But suddenly Yamaguchi was there and he was looking at him with wide eyes and open mouth and Oikawa felt whole again. He hadn’t seen Yamaguchi since he had moved out that awful morning and he found he wanted to pull the younger boy into his arms and cry and beg him not to turn him away again. He opted to stay where he was instead, a small smile on his face. “Hi, Tadashi.”

Tears started streaming down Yamaguchi’s face and he brought his hand up to his mouth as a choked “Tooru” escaped his lips. He glanced behind him and Oikawa followed his gaze. He had been so utterly captivated by seeing Yamaguchi again that he hadn’t even noticed Tsukishima standing a few feet behind him, watching Oikawa meaningfully. 

Oikawa met his eyes and nodded, and Tsukishima stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on Yamaguchi’s arm. “Tadashi, we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA This is a work of fiction and I wrote things the way I did for dramatic effect, but do not ever try to initiate an open relationship without your partner's direct consent in real life fam! Consent from all parties is a must in open and poly relationships!!!!!
> 
> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	8. You Took My Hand and Danced With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who got a laptop??? Well, not me, but my friend is letting me use hers so I can finish updating this son of a bitch. I'm sorry for all the unexpected long waits that you guys didn't sign up for and I appreciate the patience of all those still interested or invested in this fic. Thanks for putting up with my inconsistent self. Y'all are superstars

Yamaguchi was pretty sure he was dreaming. This was too surreal to be real life. He was convinced he would wake up any minute and shatter the image before him; the image of Oikawa sitting in a chair he had brought from the kitchen across from where he sat on the couch, smiling softly at him while Tsukishima rubbed soothing circles into his thigh. Yeah. No way could this be real.

“What are you doing here, Tooru?” he asked softly. 

Oikawa glanced at Tsukishima pointedly and the latter sighed before shifting away from Yamaguchi slightly and turning so he could look him in the eye. “I asked Oikawa-san to come here,” he said.

Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?” he asked, confused.

Tsukishima glanced at Oikawa out of the corner of his eye before returning his attention to Yamaguchi. “Because I wanted to broach the subject of an open relationship with you and thought he should be here for that.”

Open relationship. The words echoed around Yamaguchi’s mind, trying to find purchase in his thoughts. They weren’t familiar words and Tsukishima must have seen the confusion on his face because he was speaking again, answering Yamaguchi’s unasked question.

“It’s a type of relationship where multiple partners are involved,” he explained. “In essence, you and I would still be dating, but you would also be dating Oikawa-san as well.”

It took a few moments for Tsukishima’s words to fully register with Yamaguchi, but when they did he inhaled sharply and brought his hand to his mouth, mind racing through a million questions. Date both of them? How would that even work? Why would they agree to this? What were the risks? He locked eyes with Oikawa – oh, how he missed those eyes – and he could see the older boy registering his uncertainty. “Only if you’re comfortable with it, Tada-chan,” he said softly. “Please don’t agree to anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

Yamaguchi glanced at Tsukishima. The blond was always good at shielding his emotions, but Yamaguchi could have sworn he saw what looked like approval shining in his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Part of him wanted to say yes immediately – jump at any chance to have Oikawa back in his life. But he had been hurt before and he couldn’t handle it again if it were to blow up in their faces. He knew that Tsukishima and Oikawa could both be very jealous people and that could be a very bad thing in such a nontraditional relationship.

“Can we…” he paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “Can we talk about it first? Before I agree to anything, I mean?” He looked pleadingly at Oikawa, hoping he knew where he was coming from.

Oikawa smiled softly. “Of course, Tadashi. I understand.”

Tsukishima shifted on the couch, drawing Yamaguchi’s attention back to him. “I assume you have questions,” he stated, in his usual deadpan.

Yamaguchi nodded, looking between Oikawa and Tsukishima, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He couldn’t decide who to look at and he didn’t like that. “Tooru,” he said. “Can I switch you seats?”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Sure? I mean, I guess?” he said, questioningly, looking to Tsukishima, confused.

Tsukishima shrugged and the two brunets switched seats, though Oikawa didn’t sit nearly as close to Tsukishima as Yamaguchi had been.

“I want to feel like I’m talking to both of you,” Yamaguchi explained, once they had all gotten resettled, straightening his back and looking at them both. This was much better. A heavy silence fell. Yamaguchi didn’t know how to start the conversation, and he clenched his hands in his lap and stared at the floor, trying to make the right words come to him.

“Tadashi.” Yamaguchi looked up, meeting Tsukishima’s golden brown eyes that still made him go weak in the knees after four months. “We both care about you very much,” he said, letting some emotion drip into his words. “You don’t need to be eloquent or worry about upsetting us. Just say what’s on your mind.”

What was on his mind? A million thoughts flew through his head and he didn’t know where to start. “How…” he paused and took a deep breath, trying to force his thoughts into some semblance of order. “How exactly would it work? This open relationship thing. What would be the rules, the…expectations, I guess?”

He looked up to see Tsukishima and Oikawa looking at each other before they turned back to focus on him. “Truthfully,” Oikawa began, “we don’t know ourselves. This is completely new territory for all of us.”

“We can discuss everything and decide on what is agreeable to everybody,” Tsukishima added.

Yamaguchi nodded, thoughtfully. “Dates?” he asked.

There was a beat of silence as they all considered the question. “I guess dates can be preplanned?” Oikawa said questioningly, looking to Tsukishima for confirmation. “For the most part anyway.”

Tsukishima nodded thoughtfully. “We could arrange our schedules ahead of time to accommodate for dates. That shouldn’t be a problem.”

Yamaguchi nodded slowly. That made sense. “What about…” he paused, biting his lip and blushing slightly. He cleared his throat, trying to swallow his embarrassment. “Kissing? And PDA and…sex,” he said, whispering the last word, face completely red, unable to meet their eyes.

The following silence stretched on for what felt like hours. Yamaguchi wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Why couldn’t he have asked something less…awkward? He wished the ground would open and swallow him up so he would never have to look them in the eyes again. 

Finally, warm laughter filled the room startling Yamaguchi, who looked up to see Oikawa shaking with laughter, hand covering his mouth, but unable to keep silent any longer. Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Tsukishima who was also trying to stifle obvious amusement, though not as intense as Oikawa’s. This was definitely not the reaction he was expecting.

Catching his breath, Oikawa lowered his hand, huge grin still plastered on his face. “Why do you sound like a blushing virgin, Tada-chan?” he asked, breaking into a small fit of giggles.

Somehow, Yamaguchi’s face got hotter, blushing a furious red. He buried his face in his hands, back to wishing a hole would suddenly appear for him to climb into.

“I’m sorry,” Okawa said, voice still shaking with laughter as he fought to get it under control. “I’m not trying to make fun of you, I promise. You’re just so cute.” Yamaguchi heard him take a deep breath before the room slipped into silence again. “Tadashi,” Oikawa continued, all mirth and merriment gone from his voice.

Yamaguchi lifted his head, blush finally under control for the most part, only the tips of his ears still warm. He met Oikawa’s eyes, curiously. The older boy wasn’t smiling anymore, but he didn’t look upset, just serious.

“I love you,” Oikawa said, once he was sure he had Yamaguchi’s full attention. “I have for years, and I’ll never stop,” he said, voice dripping with conviction. “As long as you are comfortable and happy, I will be too.”

Tears pricked at Yamaguchi’s eyes and he blinked rapidly, trying to will them away before they fell. He looked to Tsukishima and found the blond regarding Oikawa thoughtfully, before turning back to Yamaguchi. “I feel the same way, you know,” he said matter-of-factly. “And it’s not like I don’t know you two have had sex before,” he said nonchalantly, effectively bringing back Yamaguchi’s blush. “But maybe…” he paused, as if trying to figure out how to word something. “It might be wise to have a safeword of sorts? I mean, not that I plan to spend much time with Oikawa-san in any case, but just as a precaution in case either of us gets uncomfortable being a third party with seeing you kiss the other and such.”

Yamaguchi nodded. “That would actually make me feel better too,” he said earnestly. “What about…” He blushed again, but if he could bring himself to ask about sex this shouldn’t be a problem. “What about, like, sleeping together? Actually sleeping, I mean,” he hastily corrected. “I don’t like sleeping alone,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“We could alternate,” Oikawa mused. “Weekends would work better with my school schedule, but if that’s not agreeable we can work something else out.” He said that last part to Tsukishima who nodded.

“That’s fine with me,” he replied.

“So you would still be staying with Iwaizumi-san then?” Yamaguchi asked.

Oikawa smiled softly. “I think it would be for the best. At least for a while. I’m sure it would take some time to get used to the new dynamics and all that. Plus it would be good for me to have a consistent schedule that can work around school and work.”

Relief flooded through Yamaguchi and a weight he didn’t even know he was carrying fell off his chest. Oikawa was still in school. He had worried that the older boy might have dropped out after their break up and he was so relieved to hear that wasn’t the case. He would never have been able to forgive himself if he had cost Oikawa something as important to him as his education. “I’m glad you’re still in school,” he said gently.

Oikawa’s smile turned down slightly. “I did stop going for a couple weeks actually. Iwa-chan got fed up with my pity party and not-so-gently persuaded me to go back.” He shifted awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with Yamaguchi. “After I went back it was…easier I guess? Being busy helped a little bit. And my professors were all more than willing to work with me, so it didn’t take me too long to catch up.”

Yamaguchi’s heart clenched with guilt. “I’m sorry, Tooru,” he said shakily. “I’m so, so sorry.” A couple tears escaped without his permission and he ground his teeth together, trying to keep the rest at bay. He felt terrible. Oikawa had almost dropped out because of him.

Oikawa regarded him seriously. “I don’t blame you, Tadashi,” he assured. “It wasn’t your choice and I get that. The circumstances just sucked.”

Wiping his eyes quickly, Yamaguchi met Oikawa’s eyes, hoping the latter could see his conviction. “I’ll never hurt you like that again, Oikawa,” he promised.

“Are you saying yes then?” Tsukishima asked, speaking for the first time in a few minutes, eyes focused intently on Yamaguchi.

The youngest boy looked between the two on the couch seriously. Could he do this? Could he date two people at the same time? The potential complications terrified him, but, as he looked into the two very different pairs of eyes, he could see the love he felt for both of them reflected back at him and he knew that, yes, he could.

He nodded slowly, steeling his resolve. “Yes I am,” he said, sure of his decision.

“Tada-chan,” Oikawa breathed, tears springing to his eyes as he stood up, holding his arms out imploringly. Suddenly Yamaguchi wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in those arms and he stood up and launched himself at Oikawa, burying his face in the older boy’s neck. 

Oikawa’s arms encircled him and Yamaguchi didn’t know who broke first, but suddenly they were both sobbing and clinging to each other, unwilling to let go. Yamaguchi pressed his nose against the skin of Oikawa’s neck, wet with his own tears and shakily inhaled. He had missed Oikawa so much and the all-too familiar scent comforted him as he let himself cry. 

When he finally felt like the tears were subsided enough to speak he pressed a soft kiss to Oikawa’s neck. “I missed you, Tooru,” he whispered.

He felt Oikawa’s arms tighten around him and the older boy gave a shaky sigh. “I missed you too, Tadashi. So, so much.”

They held each other for a moment longer before Yamaguchi pulled back, wiping his eyes furiously. His eyes found Tsukishima to the side of them, regarding them with a neutral expression. Yamaguchi smiled gratefully at him and pulled the blond into a hug. “Thank you, Tsukki,” he said softly, a final tear escaping his eye as Tsukishima enveloped him in his arms, that wonderful, all-consuming heat sweeping over him.

Tsukishima pressed a kiss to his forehead before pressing his cheek to the top of the brunet’s head. “I’m glad you’re happy, Tadashi,” he said sincerely.

Yamaguchi’s heart hadn’t felt this light in years. When he had been with Oikawa before, there was always the threat of Yamaguchi’s future soulmate looming over them, and in the few months since he was dating Tsukishima, he couldn’t forget Oikawa or his love for him. He loved them both so much, and now that he could have both of them he couldn’t imagine it was possible to be happier.

Yamaguchi was pretty sure he was dreaming. But in any case, he wasn’t going to try to wake up any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is only one official chapter left plus an epilogue (which I will probably post at the same time) so it's almost done! Thanks again for reading and for all the lovely comments and kudos. You guys are the reason I keep making myself write <3


	9. The Palm Trees Swaying in the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I need to write something that shows how far Tsukishima and Oikawa have come in terms of trusting and accepting each other  
> My mind: Threesome?  
> Me: .... Yeah, okay
> 
> I am...so sorry? Idk don't look at me or the tags I had to add because of this chapter Jesus Christ
> 
> (Also it doesn't state it specifically in the chapter, but this takes place about four or so months after the last chapter, so a bit of time has passed and they didn't just jump into doing this the day after they opened the relationship just fyi they are classy boys)

Oikawa wrapped his jacket tighter around himself as he waited for the bus. He couldn’t wait for it to start warming up in the next few weeks. He hated cold weather with a passion. His teeth chattered as he pulled his phone out and turned it on, looking for a distraction from the numbness in his toes. Class had ended early that day on account of it being Valentine’s day and, while everyone else in his class had been through the roof in delight, Oikawa was completely apathetic towards the professor’s decision. He didn’t have any plans with Yamaguchi until later that night after the latter got back from his date with Tsukishima, and Iwaizumi and his wife had gone on a romantic trip to Tokyo so the house would be empty. He did have some homework he could get done in the meantime, he supposed, but trying to concentrate sprawled across the bed in Iwaizumi’s spare room didn’t hold much appeal to him in the moment.

 

His phone finally powered on and he saw two text messages from earlier that morning, both from Yamaguchi.

 

From: Tada-chan

 

Happy Valentines day, Tooru!!

 

From: Tada-chan

 

Can’t wait for our date tonight! <3

 

Oikawa smiled softly, a familiar feeling of wonder and amazement helping warm his shaking fingers. He didn’t know what he ever did to deserve Yamaguchi. He had had his doubts about an open relationship; they all had. But things were going pretty smoothly, and rather than the jealousy he expected to feel from time to time, he only felt gratitude towards Tsukishima. Not to say the blond didn’t rub him the wrong way often, because he certainly did. But never when it came to Yamaguchi. Oikawa had expected to feel bitter or resentful – at least a little bit – at having to share Yamaguchi, but Tsukishima’s obvious adoration of Yamaguchi and Yamaguchi’s happiness at being with them both had made it so that it was impossible for Oikawa to hate the taller boy. He couldn’t even dislike him, really.

 

The bus pulled up to the stop just then, and Oikawa sighed in relief as he joined the group of students stepping into the heated vehicle. He fished his bus pass out of his pocket and showed it to the driver before moving to the back of the bus. A classmate of his waved him over to their group and Oikawa joined reluctantly. He didn’t really like his classmates. They were too gossipy and generally unpleasant to be around, but maintaining good relations, at least until graduation, was important.

 

He was able to listen passively, nodding along every now and then without contributing much before the conversation turned to Valentine’s day plans. Most of the people in Tooru’s class were his age and had met their soulmates already, so there was a lot of cut and paste romantic plans, with the few who hadn’t met their soulmates yet not having much to contribute to the conversation. Oikawa hoped he could fly under the radar with the second group, but Terushima, one of his more annoying classmates, decided otherwise.

 

“So, Oikawa, any plans with your soulmate tonight?” he inquired, waggling his eyebrows.

 

Oikawa sighed, already tired of the conversation. “I’m not meeting him until later. He has work,” he replied nonchalantly, the lie rolling off his tongue easily. Lying about his and Yamaguchi’s relationship had never bothered him as much as it had Yamaguchi. Sometimes Oikawa worried that Yamaguchi would think he was ashamed of him, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Oikawa had never been ashamed of Yamaguchi; he had been ashamed of himself, of never feeling like he was enough for Yamaguchi. Oikawa mentally shook himself. Things were better now, he reminded himself. They were all in a good place and comfortable, and that’s what mattered.

 

“Aww that sucks man,” Terushima said. “I know my lady is gonna be jumping my bones as soon as I walk in the door,” he said, throwing a conspiratol wink at one of his friends.

 

“How lucky,” Oikawa deadpanned.

 

“Rude,” Terushima huffed. “You’re just jealous because I’m going to be getting head while you’re doing your homework,” he finished, sticking his pierced tongue out, before another classmate took control of the conversation and Oikawa was gratefully able to zone out again.

 

Terushima’s comment had reminded him about his homework dilemma and he groaned internally, deciding to just take a nap when he got back to Iwaizumi’s. He could do his homework later. They were nearing his stop and he checked his bag to make sure he had everything. A small flash of silver caught his eye as he shuffled some papers around and he fished it out, an idea forming in his head as he stared at the key.

 

About a month after they got back together Yamaguchi had reset up Oikawa’s study and had given the latter a spare key to the apartment so he could come and work peacefully whenever he needed to, though Oikawa had never taken advantage of it, still feeling a little awkward intruding on Yamaguchi’s personal space, no matter how many times the younger boy had assured him it was fine. He thumbed the key for a second, contemplatively. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi would be out on their date, so he wouldn’t really be intruding. And he could really use the extra time he had to actually get work done.

 

Decision made, he sat back, letting the inane chatter of his classmates wash over him. Yamaguchi’s apartment was a few stops up and the conversation died down as the group slowly thinned as the students got off at their respective stops, till Oikawa was finally blissfully alone.

 

When the bus finally pulled up to the stop by Yamaguchi’s, Oikawa groaned, pulling his jacket tightly around himself as he made his way back out into the freezing February air. He hurried the three blocks to Yamaguchi’s as quickly as he could, anxious to get inside and out of the cold. He fumbled with the key in the door for a second, before he was finally able to swing it open. He shut the door behind him and wiggled his fingers to bring back the feeling as he made his way to the study.

 

He passed by Yamaguchi’s bedroom door, which was open a crack, and would have made it to the study if a soft moan didn’t make him stop dead in his tracks. Blood rushed to his face and he paused, praying he had misheard, before he heard another moan – louder this time. There was no mistaking that moan. He had been intimately familiar with it for years, after all. A soft murmur drifted out to the hallway, and Oikawa recognized Tsukishima’s voice, even if he couldn’t make out the words.

 

Oikawa quietly backed up a few steps, and was about to turn around and leave when a loud gasp sounded from the room. “Ahhh! Ts-Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whimpered. “Th-there again…harder,” he groaned, gasping immediately when – Oikawa assumed – Tsukishima fulfilled his request. The sticky slap of skin on skin reached Oikawa’s ears then and he covered his mouth quickly stifling the surprised gasp he had accidentally emitted, dropping his bag in the process. He should not have been there. He needed to leave immediately. He took another step back and the movement brought his attention to his groin, which was definitely beginning to respond to the noises coming from the bedroom – and quickly. He clamped his bottom lip between his teeth, as he tried to compose himself. This was so wrong. He needed to leave but he felt almost rooted to the spot.

 

Much more troubling was the fact that he didn’t seem to _want_ to leave. Another soft string of words – too quiet to understand – filtered out to the hallway and Yamaguchi all but _sobbed_. Oikawa bit down harder on his lip, groaning softly. He was almost completely hard now and his hand wandered down to rub over the tent in his pants almost without his permission. This was disgusting. He was disgusting. He shouldn’t be getting off to the sounds of his boyfriend being fucked by his soulmate, yet here he was, pressing his hand more firmly against himself and biting his lip hard enough that he could almost taste blood.

 

He found himself wondering what position they were in. His thought process should have made him recoil, should have made him leave the apartment with whatever shred of dignity he had left intact. He knew that, yet he still found himself stepping up to the crack in the doorway, his sick curiosity getting the better of him. One look, just to sate his disgusting fantasies, then he would leave for sure. The sight before him was better than anything he ever could have imagined.

 

Yamaguchi was face down on the edge of the bed, supporting his weight on his forearms, ass in the air and Tsukishima was standing on the floor by the bed and utterly wrecking him from behind. The tall blond leaned over Yamaguchi’s back, hips increasing their speed as he murmured into Yamaguchi’s ear, before biting the sensitive skin right below it. “Ts-Tsukki!” Yamaguchi cried, rocking his hips back into Tsukishima’s thrusts, looking completely debauched.

 

Oikawa whimpered softly, the scene was just so _hot_ and he hated himself so much in that moment. He hated himself even more when Tsukishima’s eyes lifted and met his.

 

If there was a feeling stronger than mortification, it still wasn’t strong enough to describe what Oikawa was feeling. He froze on the spot, unable to move, those golden eyes boring into his with an intensity Oikawa wasn’t used to seeing from the taller boy. He tried to convey how sorry he was with his eyes, legs shaking and threatening to give out on him in embarrassment.

 

Tsukishima kept eye contact with him for a moment longer before his eyes moved lower, finding the extremely obvious bulge in Oikawa’s pants and smirking.

 

Oikawa’s face was beet red and he backed up a step, ready to flee the apartment and never show his face around the blond again. Tsukishima cocked his head to the side thoughtfully before slowing his thrusts to a stop and leaning down and murmuring into Yamaguchi’s ear again. The brunet shivered and looked up, a dazed and confused expression on his face, meeting Oikawa’s eyes.

 

Oikawa wanted to cry. He didn’t want Yamaguchi to know how disgusting he was.

 

“Tooru,” he gasped, moaning as Tsukishima ever so slowly started thrusting again, face an arousing shade of red.

 

“You’re being too loud, Tadashi,” Tsukishima deadpanned, running his hand up and down Yamaguchi’s back. “Who knows what the neighbors must be thinking.”

 

Yamaguchi moaned again, eyes never leaving Oikawa’s. The latter felt like those eyes were rooting him to the spot. A particularly hard thrust from Tsukishima had a loud cry ripping its way from Yamaguchi’s throat.

 

“Mmmm,” Tsukishima hummed softly. He slid his right hand up behind Yamaguchi’s head, twisting his fingers into the brown locks and tugging. “If you can’t be quiet on your own, we’re going to have to give your mouth something else to do.” He met Oikawa’s eyes, and the latter’s throat went dry. He wasn’t suggesting…what Oikawa thought he was suggesting, was he?

 

Tsukishima smirked again and leaned over Yamaguchi’s back. “Slutty boys who can’t keep quiet need to be gagged, don’t they?” he murmured into Yamaguchi’s ear, just loud enough for Oikawa to hear from the doorway. _Fuck._

 

Yamaguchi nodded quickly, eyes closing and whimpering as Tsukishima’s thrusts picked up again. “Please,” he groaned.

 

“I’m not the one you need to ask, baby,” Tsukishima murmured, kissing the back of his neck.

 

“T-Tooru,” Yamaguchi gasped. “Please…” he begged. “Please f-fuck my mouth.”

 

Oikawa groaned. He felt like he had never been more aroused in his life, embarrassment fading to the background as Yamaguchi’s breathless whimpers went straight to his cock.

 

He was going to probably – most definitely – live to regret this, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care as he made his way to the bed.

 

*****

Yamaguchi felt like he was in one of his fantasies. Tsukishima tightened his hand in the brunet’s hair as Oikawa made his way to the bed, shrugging out of his jacket and pulling his shirt over his head as he walked. Yamaguchi had definitely had this dream before.

 

Oikawa reached the edge of the bed and kicked his shoes off before unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down. He left his boxers on and crawled onto the bed, kneeling in front of Yamaguchi. His hand joined Tsukishima’s in Yamaguchi’s hair, twisting the locks around his fingers as he palmed himself lazily through his boxers. “You look good like this, Tada-chan,” he breathed. “Begging for cock so desperately.”

 

Tsukishima’s hand left Yamaguchi’s hair and gripped his hip instead, thrusting into the shorter boy with renewed vigor and Yamaguchi wailed, throwing his head back in pleasure.

 

Oikawa chuckled slightly, before yanking Yamaguchi’s head higher, leaning down and crashing their mouths together, tongue slipping into Yamaguchi’s open mouth immediately. The kiss – if it could even be called that – was wild and desperate and caught Yamaguchi completely by surprise. He moaned as Oikawa harshly bit his bottom lip, and, just as quickly as he had initiated the kiss, pulled back.

 

“So loud,” Tsukishima huffed breathlessly, keeping up his punishing pace. “I think our little slut needs to be shut up, don’t you agree, Oikawa-san?”

 

Yamaguchi’s body jolted. Tsukishima’s words sent a thrill through him. Yes. _Yes._ He was theirs.

 

“Mhmmm,” Oikawa agreed easily, threading his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair again and angling the younger boy’s head so it was even with his clothed cock.

 

Yamaguchi whined softly before licking at the small wet spot already forming on the front of Oikawa’s boxers. The latter let out a sharp hiss between his teeth, unconsciously rocking his hips closer to Yamaguchi’s face. Yamaguchi took the hint and started mouthing at Oikawa’s dick through his underwear, lapping at the heavy bulge, already desperate for more.

 

“Good boy,” Oikawa breathed, pulling back just enough so that he could pull his boxers down around his thighs, finally freeing his erection. His hand immediately returned to Yamaguchi’s hair, guiding him forward. Tsukishima paused in his thrusting, grinding softly into Yamaguchi’s ass so that the latter could take Oikawa’s cock into his mouth safely.

 

Oikawa sighed as he finally entered Yamaguchi’s mouth, petting his boyfriend’s hair softly as he settled about halfway inside, waiting for Yamaguchi’s signal that he was ready.

 

Yamaguchi hummed softly, working his tongue along one of the large veins as he experimentally swallowed around the length, growing accustomed to the heavy weight in his mouth. He took a few deep breaths through his nose before shakily keeping balance with one hand, lifting the other up and tapping his throat twice.

 

That was all the prompting Oikawa needed before he thrust forward, sheathing himself completely inside Yamaguchi’s mouth and down his throat. Yamaguchi gagged once, tears forming and spilling over his eyes but he didn’t move. The first one was always the worst.

 

Oikawa pulled back slightly. “Red?” he asked, worriedly, giving his boyfriend the opportunity to safeword.

 

Yamaguchi shook his head as best he could and swallowed around Oikawa again, urging him to continue. The older boy acquiesced quickly, thrusting forward again, hitting the back of Yamaguchi’s throat and pulling back again quickly. He kept a steady pace and Yamaguchi could do little more than moan and focus on keeping his throat relaxed.

 

He had almost forgotten Tsukishima was still inside him when the blond pulled back suddenly and thrusted quickly into him, trying to find a rhythm that matched Oikawa’s.

 

Yamaguchi’s cry was muffled by the cock in his mouth and his legs trembled as the two alternated thrusts, filling Yamaguchi completely from both ends.

 

Tsukishima rubbed his hand along Yamaguchi’s spine. “Mmmm, you’re taking us so good, baby,” he praised.

 

Heat spread through Yamaguchi’s body at the praise and he muffled a whimper, swallowing around Oikawa again.

 

“Shit,” Oikawa gasped. “I’m close, Tadashi.” He bucked his hips forward sporadically, eyes closing in ecstasy as he found his release, spilling down Yamaguchi’s throat. Yamaguchi gagged again, but managed to swallow it all.

 

Oikawa sighed and pulled out, leaving Yamaguchi’s throat raw and empty. He pulled his boxers back up and pet Yamaguchi’s hair as Tsukishima picked up the pace. Now that his mouth was empty again, Yamaguchi couldn’t help moaning as Tsukishima’s cock brushed against his prostate lightly on each thrust. His cock was painfully hard and leaking precum nonstop and he was so close. Heat built at the base of his spine and he rocked back into Tsukishima, gasping when he felt the latter’s hand wrap around his cock.

 

Oikawa gently pulled Yamaguchi’s head up, kissing him softly. “Come for us, Tada-chan,” he whispered against his lips. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but obey.

 

Shuddering and shaking, Yamaguchi cried out, overcome by the white-hot feeling of his orgasm.

 

“Fuck,” Tsukishima cursed, feeling Yamaguchi clench and tighten around him, and he was quick to follow his soulmate, spilling his release into the condom he wore, thrusting erratically before slowing to a stop, gasping for air as the two came down from their highs together.

 

Yamaguchi’s body felt heavy and his eyelids started drooping, completely worn out. He whimpered softly when Tsukishima pulled out of him, and he must have blacked out for a minute because the next thing he knew he was being lifted up and he felt a glass press against his lips. He drank automatically, eyes opening to see Oikawa holding the glass, smiling at him gently. He felt the wonderfully familiar warmth of Tsukishima at his back, his hands running soothingly over his thighs. He felt so peaceful and warm. He finished the water and leaned back into Tsukishima’s chest, sighing contentedly, eyes falling closed again.

 

“Are you leaving?” Tsukishima inquired after a minute, chest rumbling against Yamaguchi’s back.

 

Yamaguchi opened his eyes drowsily to see Oikawa standing awkwardly in the bedroom doorway with his clothes in his arms.

 

“Um, I was going to. I mean it’s still your time, right?” he said, confused.

 

Tsukishima huffed. “I don’t mind, Oikawa-san. The bed is big enough for three,” he shrugged.

 

Oikawa blinked, confused, before glancing at Yamaguchi. “Tada-chan?”

 

Yamaguchi hummed. “I would like you to stay, Tooru,” he yawned, shifting slightly and letting Tsukishima lay them both down on the bed. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

 

Oikawa shifted from foot to foot undecidedly before approaching the bed again and dropping his clothes on the floor, crawling in and pulling the covers up over the three of them. Yamaguchi sighed and buried his face into Oikawa’s chest. Oikawa’s steady heartbeat under his ear and the consistent warmth of Tsukishima at his back made him feel so safe, secure, and loved.

 

Oikawa pressed a kiss to Yamaguchi’s head before closing his eyes. He yawned and whispered what sounded like “eat it, Terushima,” but Yamaguchi couldn’t be 100% sure, before falling asleep quickly. Tsukishima’s steady breath at Yamaguchi’s back signified that the blond had succumbed to sleep as well.

 

Yamaguchi yawned, eyes drooping closed to join his soulmate and his boyfriend in sleep. As he began drifting off, a warm feeling settled in his stomach and he sighed happily. He loved Oikawa with his whole heart and he loved Tsukishima with his whole soul, and the fact that he could love both so fully and honestly made his heart soar. He smiled softly as he fell blissfully asleep, warm and content between the two people he loved most in the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said that this was the last chapter and there would be an epilogue. And I guess that still can be true, but the epilogue is reading a lot more like a final chapter rather than an epilogue so don't worry things will wrap up in a nice, non-smut kind of way in the next couple of days hopefully
> 
> yamsfreckles.tumblr.com


	10. Lovers Always Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done! I'll save my ramblings for the end notes. Enjoy!~

The air in the auditorium was stiflingly hot, hundreds of bodies crammed together in the seats as they watched the procession. Yamaguchi didn’t notice the heat though. His mind was too preoccupied with finding one particular person in the sea of black robes making their way to the reserved seating at the front of the large room.

He could tell he was getting antsy, his knee bouncing up and down as his head whipped comically back and forth across the line of graduates before a warm hand gently rested on his thigh. Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima questioningly. The latter simply smiled lightly then nodded at something across the other side of the room. Yamaguchi followed the taller boy’s gaze and found who he had been looking for. 

Oikawa walked with purpose, head high and a huge grin on his face and Yamaguchi couldn’t take his eyes away from the older boy as he felt his heart swell with pride at his boyfriend’s accomplishments. He could already feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes, which didn’t bode well for his emotional state for the duration of the ceremony. His hand reached for Tsukishima’s – now rubbing soft circles into his thigh – and he intertwined their fingers together.

The rest of the procession seemed to simultaneously drag on forever and take no time at all, but finally the graduates were seated and the crowd quieted down as the dean of the program began his opening remarks.

The words were completely lost on Yamaguchi, and he couldn’t tell whether it was the auditorium acoustics or the blood pounding in his ears that prevented him from hearing properly. Probably a mixture of the two. Though he supposed if you’ve sat through one graduation ceremony you’ve sat through them all.

The remarks were thankfully short and the graduates’ names were soon being called to come up on stage and receive their diplomas. Scattered cheers went through the crowd as each name was called and Yamaguchi waited in anticipation for the announcer to arrive at the O’s. 

Finally Oikawa Tooru was called and their small group enthusiastically cheered. Yamaguchi almost received an elbow to the face from Iwaizumi who threw his arms up to yell excitedly. Even Tsukishima seemed in good spirits as he clapped quickly. Someone who didn’t know him well wouldn’t call his soft cheers enthusiastic, but Yamaguchi could hear the quiet pride in the blond’s voice.

Oikawa finished shaking hands with the faculty and turned to face the seated audience, diploma in hand. He flashed a double peace sign before blowing a kiss in Yamaguchi’s direction and retaking his seat. 

The remaining names were called and just like that the commencement ceremony was over. Oikawa’s schooling had officially come to an end.

The crowd started thinning but their group remained in their seats, deciding it best to wait for the parking lot to empty a bit before trying to drive home. 

Yamaguchi watched Oikawa talking to his peers from a distance, laughing at jokes the former was too far away to hear. He smiled softly, eyes pricking again. He buried his face in Tsukishima’s shoulder and the taller boy chuckled slightly.

“He did well,” Tsukishima said simply.

Finally Oikawa made his way over to his small support group, grin still plastered on his face. “Tada-chan!” he called happily. “Where’s my graduation kiss?”

Yamaguchi would have normally rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s cheeky attitude, but it was a special day after all. He leaned over the seats and pressed his lips against Oikawa’s, trying to channel all of his happiness and pride into the kiss. When he pulled away, Oikawa’s grin had turned into a soft smile and the older boy leaned forward and stole another chaste kiss before straightening up and acknowledging everyone else. 

“Iwa-chan! I didn’t think you would be able to make it,” he exclaimed. “How is Aiko-chan?” he asked, referring to Iwaizumi’s wife.

“She’s well,” Iwaizumi replied. “She wanted to come but Nagisa needs to be fed every three hours.”

“Of course of course!” Oikawa said. “My godchild is the most important after all!” 

“She is not your godchild shittykawa. We’re not catholic,” Iwaizumi sighed, exasperated as if he had explained this multiple times. And knowing Oikawa, he probably had.

“A technically, my dear Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said flippantly.

“The parking lot is probably clear enough to start heading out, Oikawa, if you can manage to make it that far without getting distracted,” Tsukishima noted, dryly. 

Oikawa’s hand flew up to his chest in mock shock. “I have a very attentive attention span, Tsukishima. I did just graduate from the best space and aeronautics program in the prefecture after all.”

Yamaguchi hid a smile behind his hand as he listened to them bicker back and forth. He couldn’t remember exactly when it happened, but he was pretty sure that they were friends now. They had even stopped using honorifics with each other and felt comfortable teasing each other. Not to mention the fact that Yamaguchi couldn’t even remember the last time they had felt the need to take turns spending the night at his apartment. Being comfortably pressed between two warm bodies at night had just become the norm for him, and he loved it. He wished he never had to give it up.

*****  
Yamaguchi rolled over to an empty bed a couple weeks later, groggy and sore. He blushed slightly remembering his activities from the night before. Oikawa and Tsukishima really did spoil him. He stretched, hands roaming the bed searching for his soulmate and boyfriend who obviously weren’t there. The sheets were still warm, so they couldn’t have been gone long. He turned over and blinked at the alarm clock. It was 6:23, seven minutes before it was set to go off. He groaned and turned it off, knowing going back to sleep was pointless. Damn Oikawa’s stupid morning flight anyway. He sat up and tried to rub the remaining sleep from his eyes. First thing on the agenda was to find his AWOL lovers. 

He didn’t have to look very hard. As soon as he stepped out into the hallway he could hear quiet murmuring coming from the kitchen. He paused to listen, knowing he shouldn’t eavesdrop but not able to help himself. 

“How can you stand to drink your coffee like that?” That was undoubtedly Tsukishima’s low voice.

“Maybe because I actually like coffee and not just caffeinated sugar,” came Oikawa’s quick retort. “I swear you and Tada-chan are both enough to give me a secondhand toothache.”

Tsukishima’s answering snort was followed by a comfortable silence. 

Yamaguchi was just about to make his presence known when Oikawa’s voice spoke again, even softer than before. “I really don’t want to leave him,” he confessed.

“I know,” Tsukishima replied, not unkindly. “It’s just for a year though right? Then you can be posted back here in Japan.”

Oikawa sighed. “I know. I’ve wanted to work for NASA for as long as I can remember, and it’s a huge honor that they accepted me into their international program and I know Tada-chan is so proud of me but… And I know it’s stupid, but I’m afraid he…” His voice stopped for a moment. 

“Afraid he…?” prompted Tsukishima.

Glass clinked together as, Yamaguchi assumed, Oikawa rinsed the coffee mugs. 

Just as Yamaguchi was sure Oikawa wasn’t going to answer, he spoke. “I’m afraid he’s going to realize he doesn’t need me to be happy. Not when he has you.” The sadness in Oikawa’s voice was palpable and Yamaguchi wanted to immediately run to him and assure him in any way possible that that wasn’t true, but Tsukishima beat him to the punch.

“You know that’s not going to happen,” the blond murmured. “Tadashi loves you too much.” There was no malice in his voice at all, just simple observation.

Oikawa sighed, and maybe Yamaguchi was imagining it, but it sounded a little lighter maybe – a little less sad.

The next silence stretched on and after a few minutes Yamaguchi decided it was time to “wake up”. He sleepily walked down the hallway into the kitchen. Tsukishima was sitting at the table reading the paper and it looked like Oikawa had migrated into the living room if the low sound of the TV was any indication. He quickly pecked Tsukishima’s lips and took the coffee his soulmate silently offered him before moving into the living room. 

Oikawa was spread on the couch mindlessly scrolling through channels, though he looked up when Yamaguchi entered the room.

“Good morning, Tada-chan!” he called happily and Yamaguchi tried not to think about how that would be the last time for a while that he would hear those words in person as he sat and cuddled up to his boyfriend. He didn’t want to let Oikawa know he had heard his concerns, but he did want to reassure him in any case. He pulled the latter toward him and kissed him softly, channeling as much love and affection into the kiss as he was capable.

Oikawa kissed him slowly for a few minutes before sighing happily and pulling away. He wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi, letting him lean on him while he finished his coffee. It was a nice morning. Simple, but nice. 

The drive to the airport was nice too, if a little melancholy. Tsukishima drove while Yamaguchi and Oikawa cuddled in the back seat, sharing slow kisses and whispered “I love yous”. It would be a long year.

Parting in the terminal was the hardest part by far.

“It’s only a year,” he reminded Oikawa as he hugged him, unwilling to let go. “We’ve been together six years. This is nothing,” he assured.

“I know,” Oikawa breathed, burying his face in Yamaguchi neck. “I don’t know how they expect me to care about space when I’m leaving my favorite star behind here,” he lamented.

Yamaguchi couldn’t help a small giggle at that. “God, Tooru why are you so embarrassing?”

“It’s my job as your boyfriend,” he said matter-of-factly, reluctantly pulling away. “I’m going to Skype you every night,” he promised.

“You better,” Yamaguchi said, pulling the older back into a quick kiss.

“You are going to visit me for Christmas, right?” he asked, hopefully.

Tsukishima answered before Yamaguchi could. “We wouldn’t miss it.”

Oikawa smiled softly at Tsukishima before hesitantly pulling the blond into a hug. “Take care of him,” he sniffed.

“I will,” Tsukishima promised firmly. He paused slightly. “I’ll miss you,” he admitted.

Oikawa pulled away, curiosity in his eyes. “You know,” he began, “I’m going to miss you, too.” He leaned up slightly and pressed a short kiss to Tsukishima’s cheek before pulling away, face red. He scooped Yamaguchi up into another hug, pressing a kiss to his lips. “I love you, Tadashi,” he proclaimed. 

Yamaguchi smiled, blinking back tears as Oikawa set him back on the ground. “I love you too, Tooru. Call me when you land.”

“I will,” Oikawa promised. He turned and slowly made his way to security. He turned back one last time, throwing up his trade mark peace sign before turning away. And just like that, he was gone.

Yamaguchi was definitely crying now. Tsukishima grabbed his hand and led him over to a seat by the window where they would be able to watch Oikawa’s plane take off. They sat together for a while, neither saying anything while Yamaguchi silently cried himself out. 

“I guess he’s not so bad,” Tsukishima finally broke the silence after Yamaguchi’s tears seemed to have run out. 

Yamaguchi snickered in spite of himself, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “You even let him kiss you without yelling at him. If I didn’t know better I would say you loved him,” Yamaguchi teased.

A pregnant pause met Yamaguchi’s words and his eyes widened. “Tsukki?” he prodded, after Tsukishima’s silence lasted longer than it should have. “Do you–” 

“Not…Not in the way you do, that’s for sure,” Tsukishima assured, looking out the window at the plane that was getting ready to take off. “I care about him and I will miss him. I still think he’s whiny and annoying but…he’s grown on me I guess.”

Yamaguchi smiled and leaned on Tsukishima’s shoulder. “He’s easy to love. It’s okay,” he whispered.

He knew Tsukishima didn’t feel for Oikawa what he did, but the fact that he could openly admit that he cared for the other was truly incredible. Yamaguchi was once again struck by how lucky he was as they watched the plane finally take off, temporarily taking a part of him with it.

Yeah. They would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first multi-chapter fic I have ever finished. I always start them out with good intentions but I usually lose motivation somewhere along the line and they stay unfinished. So even if this took me the better part of a year for ten measly chapters I'm still pretty dang proud of myself. Thanks to everybody who has left kudos and such kind and encouraging comments. I know I wouldn't have finished without so much support! Y'all are the bee's knees <3
> 
> I'm sorry for all the unexpected hiatuses and long breaks between chapters. Real life is hard sometimes, but thanks for sticking with me to the end despite everything. You're the best and you're all invited to my next birthday party.
> 
> These boys are so dumb and I love them a lot so please feel free to shout at me about them on my tumblr! (yamsfreckles.tumblr.com)
> 
> Until next time!~


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